1.
There is growing
concern in China after a report that McDonald’s hamburgers were made with
expired beef.
*** People over there were shocked and said, “Really?
They use beef?”
2.
In Collinsville,
Illinois, a promotional 170-foot tall ketchup bottle is for sale for $200,000. ***
Unfortunately, people with that kind of money generally prefer Grey
Poupon.
3.
Russian legislators are
considering funding the annexation of Crimea by almost tripling the income tax
for its richest citizens, or about 2% of the population. ***
Gee, Russia must be doing well—their “1%” is twice as big as ours.
4.
A recent study shows
that British soldiers have gotten significantly taller over the past 100 years. ***
Which is bad because that makes it harder to duck.
5.
Toyota says that in
its new minivan there’s a way for parents talk to their young children without
turning around. *** Actually, we had that when I was a kid. I
believe it’s called “Yelling.”
6.
There is growing
concern in China after a report that a supplier there sold expired beef to
McDonald’s.
***
Investigators first became suspicious when McDonald’s changed the name
of its iconic hamburger from “Big Mac” to “Old Mac.”
7.
With an income of $75
million, Robert Downey Jr. was the top paid actor last year, even though he
didn’t do any work, thanks to arrangements for compensation after his movies
hit the screen. The second biggest
earner was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
*** However, if you just look at
top incomes among people who did no work last year, then Congress came in
second.
8.
The FDA is warning
people about the dangers of pure caffeine, pointing out that one teaspoon of the
powder is equivalent to 25 cups of coffee. ***
Of course, the reason most people
don’t take their caffeine in powdered form is that it’s tough to put cute little
sayings like “#1 Boss” on the side of a teaspoon.
9.
Sandra Bullock will
star in “Tupperware Unsealed,” a movie about Brownie Wise, the woman who
popularized Tupperware parties.
*** Since it’s been four years
since Ms. Bullock adopted a baby boy, this will finally give her another
opportunity to burp something.
10.
Casey Kasem’s body is
missing, and there is evidence that his wife stole it from the funeral home to
prevent an autopsy. ***
That might not be the most gruesome thing I ever heard, but it’s
definitely in the Top 40.
