Friday, Dec 12, 2014

1.        A hallucinogenic mushroom has been found growing in the gardens of Buckingham Palace.  *** Well, that might finally explain how Prince Charles ever thought Camilla was attractive.

2.        Burt Reynolds is denying that he’s broke, a rumor which started when he put 600 personal items and memorabilia up for auction.  ***  He’s just getting rid of things that remind him about the movies that he’s made.

3.        The House has narrowly approved a government spending bill totaling $1.1 trillion.  ***  It was $1.2 trillion before they took out funding for all the interrogation equipment.

4.        Kim Kardashian says that her pregnancy weight gain was God’s way of punishing her.   ***   No, it was God’s way of getting her to keep her clothes on.

5.        LeBron James has been accused of a major breach of protocol when he met Princess Kate and he put his arm around her.  ***  Well, what else could an NBA star do?  She’s already pregnant.

6.        After President Obama’s annual pardoning of Thanksgiving turkeys at the White House, his two daughters were criticized for having appeared sullen, unsupportive and disinterested.  ***   That sort of childish behavior is considered totally inappropriate, unless you’re a Republican at the State of the Union Address.  

7.        In Venice, California, former child actor Andrew Keegan has founded a new religion called “Full Circle.”  ***  Services consist of getting together and watching “Anderson Cooper 360.”

8.        In the next James Bond film, “Spectre,” the Bond girl is 50 year old Monica Bellucci.  ***  She will also be starring in several senior-oriented re-makes, including “Oldfinger,” “License to Kill Time,” and “The Man with the Golden Health Insurance.”

9.        In Rosemont, Illinois, a Hyatt Hotel was hosting the “Midwest FurFest,” in which all the participants were dressed as various furry animals, when an apparent chlorine leak prompted evacuation.  ***  Police ordered everyone to immediately hop, leap or amble to the nearest exit.

10.     Tom Hanks, Sting, Patricia McBride, Al Green and Lily Tomlin have just received the 2014 Kennedy Center Honors from President Obama.  ***  Actually, only four of them were present for the ceremony;  Ms. Tomlin was busy manning the White House switchboard.