1.
Federal Trade
Commission records show that South Florida has the highest rate of reported
identity theft. ***
Note to seniors: Just because you
can’t remember your name, that doesn’t mean somebody stole it.
2.
In spite of the global
outcry, many Zimbabweans are unaware of the killing of their famous lion, Cecil,
by a Minnesota dentist. In fact, some of
the people interviewed asked, “What lion?”
*** But most of them asked, “What’s
a dentist?”
3.
Donald Trump just sold
his beautifully appointed New York apartment for $21 million. ***
Proving that if he can’t “Make America great again,” at least he can redecorate
it.
4.
According to a list
compiled by the World Economic Forum, the most dangerous country in the world
to visit is Nigeria. *** Darn it, just when I was packing my bags to
go pick up my gold bars.
5.
The hunter who killed
Cecil, a beloved black-maned lion in Zimbabwe, with a crossbow has been
identified as a Minnesota dentist.
*** Before letting the arrow fly
he said, “Now, this might sting a little.”
6.
Bugs Bunny turns 75
years old this week. ***
These days he always asks two questions: “What’s up, Doc?” and “Is it covered by
Medicare?”
7.
Physicist Stephen
Hawking says autonomous weapons may be the greatest threat to mankind. ***
That statement was very upsetting to Donald Trump, who never likes to
come in second.
8.
At a Kroger store in Novi,
Michigan, a man walked up the meat counter stark naked. *** Of
course, as soon as he saw the other customers staring at him he realized he
should have taken a number.
9.
There were many
protests this weekend as the Satanic Temple unveiled its controversial bronze statue
in Detroit. ***
Detroiters didn’t mind that the sculpture depicted the devil, but they were
outraged that he was driving a Toyota.
10. A banana species called Gros Michel, which was once the
world’s primary export variety, has just been declared extinct. ***
Actually, the U.S. government had already banned it in the interested of
public safety because its peels were too slippery.
