News for Week Ending Friday, Jan 15, 2016

1.     Officials at the Mexican prison where “El Chapo” is being held following his recapture say there are four times as many security cameras as before.   ***   They are very confident that when El Chapo escapes again they’ll be able to make a fantastic documentary (Sean Penn directing, of course).

2.     A man buying a lottery ticket in Las Vegas told a news reporter that if he won he’d spend it on hookers and cocaine. After a lot of negative response when that went viral, he said he was kidding and would spend it on friends and community.  ***  Too late, buddy—God’s still not going to let you win.

3.     Nike may drop its sponsorship deal with trouble-prone Cleveland quarterback Johnny Manziel, who ignored team orders and PR consequences, and went gambling, drinking and clubbing.  ***   Actually, Nike, there’s no better person to exemplify “Just Do It!”

4.     Donald Trump says he doesn’t watch much professional football anymore because the NFL has “become soft.”  ***   He said the physical game is rough enough, but he’d like to give the players a few lessons in trash talk.

5.     Mexican authorities asked Justin Bieber and his entourage to leave the ancient Mayan ruins at Tulum after they tried climbing them.  ***   Officials said if Mr. Bieber wants to explore cultural ruins he should go back to Hollywood. 

6.     On this date in history: Jan 15, 1797 – The first top hat is worn in London by John Etherington.   ***   a.k.a. “Shorty”

7.     On this date in history: Jan 14, 1956 - Little Richard releases "Tutti Frutti."  ***  My translation app says that “tutti frutti” is Italian for “all fruits,”  but it’s having a little difficulty with “wah bop a loo bop a lop bom bom.”

8.     On this date in history: Jan 14, 1973 - Grateful Dead bass player Phil Lesh is arrested for drug possession.  ***  Headlines across the country announced the shocking news:  “Four Members of Grateful Dead Not Busted on Drug Charges.”

9.     On this date in history: Jan 13, 1920 – A New York Times editorial claims that rockets will never succeed in flying.  ***  Ironically, rockets are now flying high and newspapers are failing.

10.  On this date in history: Jan 13, 1979 – YMCA officials file a libel suit against the Village People for their song, “Y-M-C-A.”  ***  They submitted the necessary paperwork and then used their arms to spell “S-U-I-T.”