1. After hearing reports of clowns trying to lure kids
into the woods, an 11 year-old girl in Athens, Georgia brought a knife to
school for protection. ***
That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows
you fight clowns with seltzer bottles.
2. Physicist Stephen Hawking says we should not announce
our presence to alien beings in outer space, especially if they are superior to
us.
*** Actually, if they are
superior, we should check and see if they’d like to run for president.
3. Chinese scientists announced that their out-of-control
space station will re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere next year and could strike a
populated area. *** They
said to determine if you’re at risk, check your next fortune cookie.
4. Pizza Hut has introduced the Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza, which is a cross
between a pizza and a grilled cheese sandwich… *** …and
the eating experience is a cross between indigestion and a heart attack.
5. Selena Gomez reportedly changed her phone number so
Justin Bieber can’t reach her. *** Me, too…and it’s working.
6. On this date in history: Sep 23, 1969 – The Northern Star newspaper at Norther
Illinois University starts a rumor that Paul McCartney is dead.
*** Technically, they weren’t
wrong, just early.
7. On this
date in history: Sep 22, 1692 – The
last person is hanged for witchcraft in the U.S. *** Now we just vote them out of office.
8. On this date in history: Sep 21, 1930 – Johann
Ostermeyer patents the flashbulb.
*** If that was
today’s camera technology, the Kardashians would go blind from selfies.
9. On this date in history: Sep 20, 1945 – German
rocket engineers from World War II begin working in the U.S. *** Same technology, different targets.
10. On this
date in history: Sept 19, 1970 – The "Mary Tyler Moore Show” premieres.
*** She plays a young TV news
producer who is always cheerful and upbeat in spite of only making 72% of what
a man would be paid.
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