News for Week Ending Friday, Feb 3, 2017

1.   First Lady Melania Trump announced that she is expecting to move into the White House in three or four months.  ***  She blamed the delay on “a certain someone who is getting a bit carried away with that ‘extreme vetting’ thing.”

2.   For target practice, the Army is developing bullets that are environmentally friendly and may even contain seeds.  ***  In fact, many farmers are now planning to plant their next crops with an Uzi.

3.   President Trump has cancelled his planned tour of the Harley-Davidson factory in Milwaukee.  ***  He was anxious to connect with the workers, but refused to get the mandatory tattoo.

4.   Peter Ricketts, a former official in the British Foreign Office, said the prospect of protests outside the palace when President Trump comes to visit has put the queen in a "very difficult position."   ***  Hey, the lady is 90 years old. At that age, almost every position is difficult.

5.   This past weekend the Miss Universe contest was won by a 23 year old French dental student.  ***   The competition was intense;  the runner-up was a manicurist and they fought tooth and nail.

6.   On this date in history:  Feb 3, 1690 – The colony of Massachusetts issues the first paper money in America.   *** That was a big improvement. Previously, guys had to tuck loose change into the strippers’ G-strings.

7.   On this date in history:  Feb 2, 1964 – The GI Joe action figure makes its debut. ***  It was so realistic that if it broke you had to take it to a VA hospital.

8.   On this date in history:  Feb 1, 1864 – General Ulysses S. Grant, in an effort to outflank Confederate troops, initiates the ill-fated Battle of the Yazoo River.  ***  After that failure, President Lincoln sent him a message saying, “You idiot, I just said they had soldiers up the WAZOO.”

9.   On this date in history:  Jan 31, 1990 – The first McDonald's in Russia opens in Moscow.   ***  The Russian “Happy Meal” consisted of a Big Mac, fries, and a McVodka. 

10.  On this date in history:  Jan 30, 1894 – Charles King of Detroit patents the pneumatic hammer, commonly referred to as the “jackhammer.” ***  In deference to the inventor, shouldn’t it be called “chuckhammer”?