News for Week Ending Friday, Mar 17, 2017

1.   In Shelby County, Tennessee, a long-simmering feud erupted into gunfire at a cemetery during a burial service.  ***  The first hint of trouble came in the funeral announcement, where the family of the deceased suggested ammo in lieu of flowers.

2.   According to a recent study, Americans spend an average of 42 hours per year just sitting in their stationary cars, stuck in traffic.  ***   A lot of young drivers could use that time to text, but they think the car has to be moving.

3.   In an interview with a New Jersey newspaper, Kellyanne Conway said there are many ways of spying on people, including microwave ovens that take pictures.  ***   Ms. Conway also plugged Ivanka’s fashions again and said the line will soon include an assortment of stylish tinfoil hats.

4.   Justin Bieber says he no longer allows fans to take a picture of him.  ***  He now tries to keep away from fans carrying cameras, smart phones or microwave ovens. 

5.   The New York City school attended by Barron Trump was placed on lockdown when authorities noticed a suspicious truck parked out front.  ***  School officials just weren’t used to a student having dry cleaning delivered during class hours.

6.   On this date in history:  Mar 17, 1762 – The first St. Patrick's Day parade is held in New York City.  ***  Previously, city officials just celebrated the holiday by having all the hookers wear green.

7.   On this date in history:  Mar 16, 1916 – The U.S. and Canada sign the Migratory Bird Treaty.  ***  Under the new agreement, migrating birds will no longer need to show their passports at the border.

8.   On this date in history:  Mar 15, 1493 – Christopher Columbus returns to Spain after his first voyage to the new world.   ***  Fortunately for all his friends, slides had not yet been invented.

9.   On this date in history:  Mar 14, 1812 – Congress authorizes war bonds to finance the War of 1812.  ***  That was after they failed to raise enough money by holding a bake sale.

10.  On this date in history:  Mar 13, 1961 – Pablo Picasso, 79, marries his model, Jacqueline Rocque, 37.  ***  The blushing bride looked radiant, with her nose sticking out one side of her veil and two ears out the other.