News for Week Ending Friday, Jun 16, 2017

1.   Fugitive polygamist Lyle Jeffs was arrested by FBI agents who found him living alone in his truck after his 8 wives and 60 children left him.  ***  I guess he should have had a bigger truck.

2.   Many United Airlines customers are unhappy with the restrictions of the new budget fare, “Basic Economy,” such as a limited carry-on, no seat changes and being the last to board…   ***  …so the other passengers and crew can point at them and laugh.

3.   A Virginia Beach high school student who participated in a big toilet papering prank was barred from graduation ceremonies and will receive his diploma in the mail.  ***  But the school principal promised him it would be a very special diploma: 2-ply, perforated and pulled off a roll.

4.   A woman in Grand Rapids was kicked out of a shopping mall because she was wearing a tank top.   ***    Geesh, and at Wal-Mart you’re kicked out if you aren’t.

5.   Little-known Aldi plans to invest $3.4 billion to become the third largest grocery chain in the country by building new stores and updating existing ones.   ***    Unfortunately, a company spokesman confirmed that $3.4 billion won’t be enough to fix all the grocery carts with one wheel that goes “Clunk… clunk… clunk… clunk…”       

6.   On this date in history:  Jun 16, 1961 – Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev defects to the West in Paris.  ***  It was tough for him to avoid detection, being the only guy running down the Champs d’Elysees in tights.

7.   On this date in history:  Jun 15, 1951 – The first commercial electronic computer is dedicated in Philadelphia.  ***   People were amazed by the powerful new technology and spent the rest of the day playing solitaire. 

8.   On this date in history:  June 14, 1954 – President Eisenhower signs an executive order adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance.  ***   Cautious White House lawyers, however, were reluctant to approve the change without first getting God’s permission.

9.   On this date in history:  Jun 13, 1927  – Charles A. Lindbergh is welcomed to New York City with a ticker-tape parade. ***  The only people not celebrating were the street sweepers.

10.  On this date in history:  June 12, 1967 – Israel wins what became known as “The Six Day War.”  ***   That was very impressive—it was originally scheduled to go nine.