1. The
Everlane shoe company announced it is discontinuing Angelina Jolie’s favorite
shoe, the Modern Loafer. *** When asked if she’ll miss the Modern Loafer,
Angelina said, “No, I’m glad I divorced him.”
2. Chinese
authorities are claiming that members of a banned religious minority have happily
“graduated” from the country’s oppressive prison camp system. *** Ah yes,
there’s nothing like watching students march up the aisle at a commencement
ceremony and hearing “Pomp and Circumstance” over the rattling of their
shackles.
3. After
Prince Harry and Meghan announced they were stepping back from their senior
roles in the British royalty, Madame Tussauds Wax Museum immediately removed
their wax figures from the “Royal Family” display. *** Queen
Elizabeth said Harry’s figure should be returned to the display, but suggested
they could just replace Meghan with an inflatable doll. (She said Charles did
that with Camilla and no one ever noticed.)
4. Uber
is working with Hyundai to develop an electric airplane for providing Uber services
in the sky. *** Wow, that’s an amazing upgrade! Now
you can be intimidated, insulted and harassed by a pilot.
5. This
year the Girl Scouts are offering a new cookie, “Lemon-Ups,” which are wafers
stamped with positive affirmations such as "I Am a Leader" and
"I Am a Go-Getter." *** As well as “There goes my diet,” “Why
am I eating these?” and “I need more willpower.”
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