1. Hostess Twinkies are back in production, and the big news
is that their shelf life has been increased to 45 days. ***
Of course, that’s in the store.
Once you get them home, the shelf life is about 45 seconds.
2. Eliot Spitzer is running for New York City
Comptroller. He’s got an uphill battle
since people remember that he was the New York State Attorney General who got
caught using call girls. *** The fact is, he’ll probably never escape the
stigma of having been a politician.
3. According to a study in Canada, nearly half of all babies
develop a temporary flat spot on the back of their heads from sleeping on their
backs.
***
So, when they finally want to roll over, they can’t.
4. Bicycle racer Chris Froome has maintained his lead in the
Tour de France and is still wearing the coveted yellow jersey. *** As
you know, the yellow jersey identifies the rider with the best steroids.
5. In England, the Rolling Stones just played at Hyde Park
for the first time in 44 years.
*** This time, however, preparing
for all the fans was a nightmare. Officials had to set up an extra-loud sound
system, 5,000 porta-potties and over 10,000 handicapped parking spaces.
6. Egypt’s President Mohammed Morsi stepped down in response
to huge mobs, shouting in the street and the sound of explosions. ***
This has really made a lot of other world leaders very nervous. In fact, President Obama looked out his window,
saw a Fourth of July celebration, and started packing his bags.
7. Because the power window switches on the Honda Fit can
catch fire, Honda is recommending that owners of that model park their cars
outside. *** And put a “For Sale” sign in the window.
8. Medical researchers in Denmark say that you are more
likely to have post-surgery problems if you’re a heavy drinker. ***
And it’s even worse if your surgeon was a heavy drinker.
9. A Vatican priest has been arrested for trying to sneak
$26 million in cash on a flight from Switzerland to Italy. *** I
think he was a little too obvious; he
was carrying the money in little wicker baskets with long handles.
10. The U.S. Air Force reports that it found no evidence of
wrongdoing by the defense contractor that employed Edward Snowden. ***
However, investigators say they are still very suspicious of his
pole-dancing girlfriend and will continue round-the-clock surveillance...
(until their budget runs out of five-dollar bills).
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