1. A study by Harvard researchers in the journal “Circulation”
says that skipping breakfast increases your chance of having a heart attack. ***
And, you will die hungry.
2. According to a study by the American Academy of
Pediatrics, a child is injured by a falling television every 30 minutes. ***
So, kids, when Mom and Dad say “Don’t sit too close to the TV,” they
know what they’re talking about.
3. A Senate committee is holding hearings to address fires
and other problems on cruise ships.
Senator Jay Rockefeller is proposing a Cruise Passenger Protection Act
which would, among other things, set up a hotline for passengers to phone in
complaints. *** “If
your ship has lost power, press ‘1’. If all
the toilets are backed up, press ‘2’. If
the ship is sinking, press ‘3’...”
4. Taco Bell is taking kid’s meals off the menu because of
slow sales. ***
I guess there just wasn’t much demand for Gummy Bears in a taco shell.
5. Kate Middleton finally gave birth to a baby boy. ***
Apparently there was no truth to the rumors that the child was stuck in
the birth canal because he had his grandfather’s ears.
6. Billy Ray Cyrus has called off his divorce proceedings
for a second time. ***
Gee, the guy can’t decide if he has an achy heart... or a breaky heart...or
just irregular palpitations.
7. An audience of Defense Department employees in South
Carolina was shocked when Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel described some of the
extreme budget cuts that were planned.
*** In fact, now the Navy Seals
would not have enough funding to actually capture Osama bin Laden; instead, they
would just toilet paper his compound. (And under the new guidelines, it
would be single-ply.)
8.
Hundreds of stingrays
washed up on a beach in Mexico.
*** Authorities there say they
have never seen so many Corvettes in one place.
9. British investigators have confirmed that the fire aboard
a Boeing 787 Dreamliner at London’s Heathrow Airport originated in the emergency
locator beacon. ***
You see, Boeing is going back to basics.
On most planes, the locator device sends out a radio call, but on the
Dreamliner it sends up a smoke signal.
10.
New York Mayor
Michael Bloomberg is urging workers in office buildings to use stairs rather
than the elevator. ***
Well, now we know the real reason why he outlawed 32-ounce soft
drinks—they were too difficult to carry up a staircase.
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