1.
Edward Snowden has
written an open letter to the Brazilian people offering to help them
investigate spying by the United States.
In return, he asks only that Brazil grant him political asylum. *** And give him a
beachfront cottage and hook him up with the Girl from Ipanema.
2.
A federally-appointed
panel is recommending less aggressive treatment for high blood pressure in
older people, saying that drugs just need to get it down to 150-over-90 instead
of 140-over-90. They say this is a
critical issue as high blood pressure is affecting more and more Americans. *** Basically,
every person who has tried to register on the Obamacare website.
3.
There have been rumors
that Jay Leno is having discussions with CNN.
*** They want him to help Wolf
Blitzer pursue his dream of doing stand-up.
4.
China’s lunar rover
has now separated from the landing craft and is exploring the surface of the
moon. China says it expects to send an
astronaut to the moon sometime after the year 2020. ***
His first mission will be to open a small Chinese take-out.
5.
In an interview with
the Italian newspaper La Stampa, Pope Francis denied allegations that he is a
Marxist. ***
He said he’s not a fan of slapstick and doesn’t think Groucho and Harpo
are all that funny.
6.
Senator John McCain
criticized the CIA for not giving the full story behind Robert Levinson, who
allegedly worked for the Agency and has been missing in Iran for several years. *** Don’t
worry—the government hasn’t found him yet, but they’ll definitely track him
down as soon as he misses the deadline to sign up for Obamacare.
7.
Earlier this week
North Korean President Kim Jong Un had his uncle arrested for treason and then executed. *** And
you think your family’s holiday gatherings are going to be awkward!
8.
It appears that North
Korean President Kim Jong Un still holds his aunt in high regard, even though
he recently executed her husband for treason.
*** Or, he’s just keeping her around for the
holidays because she makes fantastic cookies.
9.
Detectives in Seattle
have arrested two men for the recent theft of 2,500 bottles of wine. ***
They caught the thieves by putting out an APB for anyone buying huge
amounts of cheese.
10. Dennis Rodman is in North Korea to help train that
country’s national basketball team.
***
Training
schedule: Day 1 – Tattoos
Day 2 – Body piercing
Day 3 – Hair coloring
Day 4 – Trash talk
Day 5 – …
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