1.
A startup company has
developed a wearable airbag for elderly people. It inflates to protect their
hip bones if they fall down.
*** Unfortunately, it then takes
them two or three minutes to stop bouncing.
2.
The Islamic terrorist
group ISIS claims it is burning massive marijuana fields in Syria. ***
It’s not because of their anti-drug beliefs--They just figure it’s an easy
way to get everybody downwind to mellow out and surrender.
3.
The Ralph Lauren
company has developed a polo shirt with integrated wires and electronics that can
send a Bluetooth signal giving the wearer’s pulse, breathing rate and other
parameters. ***
But most importantly, it will alert the wearer at the precise moment
when the shirt goes out of style.
4.
Joan Rivers is in
stable condition after she stopped breathing during throat surgery. ***
Doctors immediately knew something was wrong--not because she stopped
breathing, but because she stopped talking.
5.
According to a 22
year-long study by Georgia Southern University, parents of obese children are
becoming less likely to recognize that their kids are overweight. ***
Obamacare is responding to this disturbing trend by reaching out to the
parents and offering free eyeglasses.
6.
A United Airlines
flight to Denver was forced to land in Chicago after a fight broke out when one
passenger prevented the woman in front of him from reclining her seat by using
a special device called a “Knee Defender.”
*** Most people know the device
by its other name: Taser.
7.
Owners of two Taco
Bell restaurants in Manhattan are accused of counterfeiting after giving
customers fake $20 bills in change.
*** And in a second charge of
counterfeiting, they are also accused of trying to pass off their food as
Mexican.
8.
In order to attract
more business travelers, United Airlines says it’s going to begin offering hot
meals. *** They’re
going to heat up the peanuts.
9.
A 78 year old woman
in Germantown, Pennsylvania shot and wounded her 45 year old son. *** So,
after 45 years she’s still trying to get him to eat his vegetables.
10.
The Government Accountability
Office says the swap of five Taliban prisoners for Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl
was illegal. ***
So, pack your bags, Bowe, you’re going back.
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