News for Week Ending Friday, Nov 4, 2016

1.   In Tokyo, a patient on the operating table was seriously burned when she passed gas and it was accidentally ignited by a laser device.   ***  The doctors certainly learned an important lesson:  When using a hot laser beam to operate on a patient, don’t pull her finger. 

2.   Charlie Sheen, who played Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn in the movie “Major League,” is reportedly miffed that he wasn’t chosen to throw out the first pitch at the World Series.  ***  Maybe it’s because he insisted on being accompanied on the mound by two hookers, his drug dealer and a bottle of scotch.

3.   Kendall Jenner says she suffers from “sleep paralysis” and sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night completely unable to move.  ***  You know it’s serious when a Kardashian can’t even take a selfie.

4.   Following a paperwork error, the Los Angeles County coroner’s office has apologized for cremating the wrong person.  ***  They were supposed to cremate another man—one who had already died.

5.   Bill Cosby’s lawyers are asking that sexual assault charges be dropped because he is now blind and cannot defend himself.  ***  Mr. Cosby, however, says he wants to continue with the trial and try to identify the accusers by feel.

6.   On this date in history:  Nov 4, 1845 – The first nationally observed election day is held in the U.S.  ***  Officials found it was much more efficient to have all the voting fraud take place at the same time.

7.   On this date in history:  Nov 3, 1883 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Indians can't be Americans.  ***  The Indians were confused by the ruling, and also couldn’t understand why “Chief Justice” didn’t wear a headdress.

8.   On this date in history:  Nov 2, 1966 – The “Cuban Adjustment Act” is established, allowing 123,000 Cubans to apply for permanent residence in the United States ***  and get one free chiropractic treatment.

9.   On this date in history:  Nov 1, 1870 – The U.S. Weather Bureau begins operations.  ***   It was established a few days earlier, but operations couldn’t begin until the dart boards arrived.

10.  On this date in history:  Oct 31, 1846 – The Donner party is unable to cross the Sierra Nevadas and constructs a winter camp.  ***   However, it was Halloween and, unfortunately, one of the Donners dressed up as a Happy Meal.