News for Week Ending Friday, Aug 24, 2018

1.   At a recent Beverly Hills bash Kim Kardashian was fashionably accessorized with a $5,000 purse designed to look like it was filled with french fries.  ***  You know, to match her hips.

2.   Jimmy Buffet is opening a string of Margaritaville-themed retirement communities.  ***  Each residence comes with a front porch swing, a six string guitar and a blender…and, for people who tend to lose things, an extra shaker of salt.

3.   Nabisco is redesigning its Animal Cracker boxes and will no longer show the animals in cages.  ***  So, children can now learn to respect animals and their natural habitat, before they pull them from the box and bite their heads off.

4.   The EPA has repealed federal emissions regulations for coal-fired powerplants.  ***  After checking to make sure all those coal-burning sites were downwind of the White House.

5.   Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital found that men who wear brief-style undershorts have lower sperm counts, and they believe it’s because the tight fitting garment causes higher scrotal temperatures.  ***  Oh, So, for the welfare of future generations, environmentalists should be concerned about “scrotal warming.”

6.   On this date in history:  Aug 24, 1853 – In Saratoga, New York, George Crum makes the world’s first potato chips.   ***   In a visionary move, he packaged them just like Pringles, although it took forever to find ones that all fit together.

7.   On this date in history:  Aug 23, 1919 – The "Gasoline Alley" comic strip premieres in The Chicago Tribune.  ***   The comic has recently been updated and is now called “Hybrid Gas & Electric Alley.”

8.   On this date in history:  Aug 22, 1906 – The first Victor Victrola phonograph is manufactured.  ***  Of course, visionaries realized that in the future millions of people would listen to recordings through tiny earbuds, with the Victrola machine strapped to their back.

9.   On this date in history:  Aug 21, 1945 - President Truman ends the Lend-Lease program.   ***  He was sick and tired of people not returning the White House lawnmower, hedge trimmer and tools.

10.  On this date in history:  Aug 20, 1794 – General “Mad Anthony” Wayne routes the Indians in a battle at Fallen Timbers, Ohio.   ***   He was so relieved he immediately changed his name to “Happy Anthony.”