1. The
spacewalk for a female astronaut aboard the International Space Station was cancelled
because her spacesuit did not fit properly.
*** The blame is being placed on the mission
commander, who was unable to come up with a proper reply when asked, “Does this
spacesuit make me look fat?”
2. Secretary
of Education Betsy DeVos is being widely criticized for slashing the Special
Olympics budget. *** She
said the funds are being re-directed to a new competition for disadvantaged young
adults with bone spurs.
3. According
to CNN, Justin Bieber plans to address some emotional health issues and will
temporarily “step away from music.”
*** Awwww, and he was so close.
4. Six
states ordered a recall of avocados because of concerns that they were
contaminated with listeria. *** However, officials later apologized and
said they didn’t realize that avocados are supposed to be mushy, weird-looking
and relatively tasteless.
5. Tiffany
& Co. just released its quarterly financial results and said revenue was
down significantly because of slow Christmas gift sales. *** Gee, I always thought they made most of
their money on breakfasts.
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