1. After an
analysis of attractive facial proportions as determined by famous artists, cosmetic
surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva announced that Bella
Hadid is the most beautiful woman in the world. *** However,
he was interrupted by a colleague, Dr. Kanye West, who declared, “Imma let you
finish, but Beyonce is one of the most beautiful women of all time.”
2. The
Paris Zoo is now displaying a strange organism which has baffled scientists who
determined it has 720 sexes but no brain. *** Sounds
like something on “The Kardashians.”
3. After
stranding passengers in the air for several hours last week, Walt Disney World’s
Skyliner gondola has now been re-opened, but with some operational changes. ***
Also, they’ve added a sign showing Mickey Mouse with outstretched arms
saying, “To go on this ride, your bladder must be THIS big.”
4. The
chief bodyguard for Pope Francis resigned yesterday as authorities investigated
the leak of a confidential Vatican document. *** The
document was apparently top secret; it was kept in a vault and was reportedly
written in an obscure ancient secret code known only as “Latin.”
5. A
Taiwanese tourist was arrested for wearing a very revealing string bikini at a
Philippines resort; management had told her not to wear it but she said it was “a form of art." *** And now she claims the authorities were
trying to frame her.
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