Friday, February 28, 2020

News Humor for Week Ending Friday, Feb 28, 2020


1.   According to the “Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs,” a woman recently ingested an amount of LSD equivalent to 550 recreational doses and she not only survived, but found that her lifelong foot pain was dramatically reduced.  ***  However, after taking the drug she did behave a bit erratically and is now trying to figure out what to do with over 2,000 tie-dyed T-shirts.

2.   Shares of Tupperware Inc. tumbled 43% and hit a record low after the company announced it is investigating reports of accounting irregularities.   ***  Hmmmm, sounds like someone’s been burping the books.

3.   The Russo & Steele auction company has just canceled its classic car auction scheduled for Florida’s Amelia Island next month, and a company spokesman explained that the site is “too marshy and there are problems with snakes.”  ***  Hey guys, so is Washington D.C., but somehow people there still manage to sell things to the highest bidder.

4.   According to the “Journal of the American Medical Association,” in a 2006 survey only 0.4% of seniors over 65 said they had used marijuana products in the past 12 months, while in a 2018 survey that number jumped to 4.2%.  ***  Researchers said the data confirms a very surprising trend: Seniors are becoming more and more honest.  

5.   Sharon Osborne recently changed her hair color and several reporters commented that she is “not recognizable with bright white hair.”   ***  Of course, she’d be totally unrecognizable if she was seen with a bright husband.

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