Friday, March 27, 2020

News Humor for Week Ending Friday, Mar 27, 2020


1.   Although many observers are giving Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer high marks for her response to COVID-19, President Trump slammed her in an interview on the Sean Hannity Show, saying, “…she's not stepping up. I don't know if she knows what's going on, but all she does is sit there…”   ***   At which point Mr. Hannity leaned forward and whispered, “Excuse me, Mr. President, but you’re looking at a photograph.” 

2.   In a study in the “New England Journal of Medicine,” researchers found that the surface material that kills virus cells the fastest is copper.  ***  Coincidentally, “Copper” pretty much describes the money left in my retirement account.

3.   When asked why he doesn’t speak up at press briefings when President Trump says something that’s not true, the diminutive Dr. Fauci said, “I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down.”  ***  “But next time I might bite his ankles.”

4.   The Kardashians say they are adhering to CDC’s recommendations and maintaining a person-to-person separation of at least 6 feet. ***  Or, in Kardashian units, about 2 kimbutts.

5.   COVID-19 researchers say “social distancing” can reduce a person’s risk of getting infected.  ***  Their first clue was when they studied the first 1,000 patients and found there wasn’t a single engineer.

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