1. The
list of federal prisoners to be released early because of COVID-19 reportedly
includes Gary Sayers, the owner of a small Michigan manufacturing plant that
leaked dangerous chemicals onto I-696 last year in the form of green ooze. *** The
EPA had become aware of the toxic discharge through an anonymous tip on its community
involvement hotline, “Slime Stoppers.”
2. Many
therapists and human behavior experts are giving suggestions on ways to cope
and avoid stress during these times of home confinement.
*** Apparently their ideas are working. Couples who were
previously complaining, disagreeing and arguing are now lovingly offering to
trim each other’s hair with chainsaws.
3. A
Utah highway patrolman pulled over an SUV that was being driven erratically,
and found that the driver was a 5 year old boy with $3 in his pocket, who
claimed he was going to California to buy a Lamborghini.
*** The trooper, of course, became
suspicious when he noticed that the kid wasn’t wearing any gold chains.
4. Officials
in Venezuela say they have captured two American mercenaries who led a beach invasion
with the intent of overthrowing President Maduro. *** Witnesses
suspected they were not regular military forces when they stopped at a tiki
shack to grab a few mai-tais before heading into town.
5. After being arrested for trying to “self isolate”
on Disney’s Discovery Island, a Florida man said he didn’t realize it was a restricted
area, despite all the “no trespassing” signs. *** Apparently
in that part of the world the only access control sign that means anything is an
image of Mickey Mouse showing the height requirement.
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