1.
Michigan State Senator
Virgil Smith shot up his ex-wife’s Mercedes-Benz with a rifle and was
subsequently arraigned on a felony firearms charge. *** That’s
a real shock; In Michigan, shooting a
foreign-made car is usually just a misdemeanor.
2.
Johnny Depp tried to
sneak his two dogs into Australia, but quarantine officials caught him and said
that because of communicable disease concerns he’d have to ship them out or
they’d have to be put down. *** As I recall, the same thing happened with
Charlie Sheen and his girlfriends.
3.
The new Detroit-Windsor
bridge will be named after hockey legend Gordie Howe. *** You
know, after all the controversy regarding the need for the second bridge,
instead of “Howe” it should have been named “Why?”
4.
New Jersey Governor
Chris Christie has signed a bill outlawing “coal rolling,” which is modifying
diesel trucks so they can belch billowing clouds of black smoke at people with
the flick of a switch. *** He said that tasteless showing off, obscuring
everyone’s vision and leaving people feeling dirty is the job of politicians.
5.
TV health advocate Dr.
Oz witnessed a car crash on the New Jersey Turnpike and treated the injured
people until an ambulance arrived.
*** Of course, the victims were extremely
grateful…to the paramedics for saving them from an endless lecture on healthy
eating, exercise programs, vitamin supplements, personal hygiene…
6.
Pope Francis says God
will judge us on whether we took good care of the Earth. *** Wait a minute—that’s not in the Ten
Commandments…You can’t just change the rules in the middle of the game.
7.
Tiger Woods and Lindsay
Vonn announced their break-up and blamed it on “schedule difficulties,” but it
was later revealed that Tiger told Lindsay that he had cheated on her. *** I
remember when having a second girlfriend was called “two-timing”; now apparently it’s just a “schedule
difficulty.”
8.
At the zoo in
Greenville, Wisconsin, someone stole a baby kangaroo from its mother’s pouch. ***
Police are warning the public to be on the lookout for a really good
pickpocket.
9.
“Real Housewives of
Beverly Hills” star Kim Richards has checked into rehab for the fourth time. ***
Eight more times and she’ll have completed the celebrity version of the
12-step program.
10. New York City police arrested 13 people who were dealing
cocaine out of a pizzeria. ***
Authorities became suspicious when they noticed employees snorting the
marinara sauce.
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