1.
McDonald’s hopes to reverse
declining sales by offering improved products, including better buns. ***
Actually, I think customers looking for better buns go to Hooters.
2.
Vladimir Putin claims the
U.S. is bringing corruption charges against international soccer officials just
because Russia was selected to host the 2018 World Cup. *** Putin pointed out that
he never would have bribed anybody for the World Cup games because it would
have been cheaper to send in the army and annex whichever country got it.
3.
Celebrity chef Bobby
Flay’s wife has filed divorce papers which accuse him of cheating. *** She cited several instances
where he and his mistress used substitute ingredients.
4.
In Detroit, carjacking
is so bad even the city’s police chief says he wouldn’t stop at a gas station
at night unless he had to. *** To cut down on the violence, the city is
establishing authorized transfer points where drivers can safely hand their keys
to a carjacker and then catch a taxi to get home.
5.
At 73 years old, Senator
Bernie Sanders has just launched his presidential campaign. *** Well, not really a
launch--at his age he just sort of nudged it out there with a shuffleboard
stick.
6.
In Brownwood, Texas, a
teenager who was put into a medically-induced coma claims that he was visited
by Jesus. *** Wow—that kid must have the Obamacare Gold
Plan. (With the Silver Plan you just see
a former apostle, and with the Bronze Plan you just get the first available
angel.)
7.
Milwaukee Brewers pitcher
Will Smith was suspended for eight games after umpires found he had a mixture
of rosin and sunscreen on his arm.
*** Additionally, league officials
are investigating accusations that he has been deflating baseballs.
8.
A new survey shows that
President Obama’s popularity rating is up to 53%. *** But that’s just in the
West Wing.
9.
As part of the fallout
from the Benghazi investigation, the State Department has released the first
batch of e-mails from Hilary Clinton’s personal account. *** That would be hilary@
i_know_nothing.com
10. British researchers have found that depression,
hallucinations and psychosis can be triggered by meditation. *** Think about that.
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