Friday, March 11, 2016

News for Week Ending Friday, Mar 11, 2016

1.    A man in New York City has placed an ad looking for someone to take his pet turtle for a walk every day.   ***   It’s basically just a 12-step program.

2.    Disney just announced that it expects to lose $75 million on the sea-rescue movie “The Finest Hours.”  ***  Previously, the biggest financial loss for moviemakers in 2016 was the Erin Andrews video.

3.    In the latest presidential debate, Hillary Clinton said she was wrong in supporting a 1994 crime bill that resulted in longer prison sentences and cutbacks in inmate education.  ***  She apologized for having supported a bill that penalized so many fellow politicians.

4.    This past weekend Lindsay Lohan posted a picture of an unidentified mystery man on Instagram with the comment, “I love him.”   ***   Let me guess—bail bondsman. 

5.    Ray Tomlinson, the inventor of e-mail, has died suddenly at the age of 74.  ***  According to the coroner, cause of death was having broken a chain letter.

6.    On this date in history:  Mar 11, 1302 – Romeo & Juliet's wedding day, according to Shakespeare.  ***  I wonder if everyone got their gifts back.

7.    On this date in history:  Mar 10, 1971 – The Senate approves the amendment lowering the voting age to 18.   ***   This gives millions more Americans the opportunity to show their ambivalence. 

8.    On this date in history:  Mar 9, 1796 – Napoleon Bonaparte marries Josephine de Beauharnais. ***  It was the last time anyone saw the minister, who made the unfortunate comment, “I assume you’d like this ceremony to be short.”

9.    On this date in history:  Mar 8, 1994 – The Defense Department announces a smoking ban in all workplaces.   ***  Soldiers are happy to learn that a war zone is not considered a workplace.

10.  On this date in history:  Mar 7, 1933 – The game "Monopoly" is invented.   ***  It teaches young children the principles of handling money, investing in properties and driving your best friends bankrupt.  

Friday, March 4, 2016

News for Week Ending Friday, Mar 4, 2016

1.      Vatican protocol has been changed and the pope will now greet divorced presidents or prime ministers and their current wives at the same time, rather than have the wife wait in a separate area.  ***  Vatican officials had previously asked second wives to wait in the trophy room.

2.      In yesterday’s GOP presidential debate in Detroit, Donald Trump said he is now in favor of H1B visas because we need to bring in highly skilled people when the U.S. lacks sufficient talent for certain jobs.  ***  Like president.

3.      Blake Shelton, who split from Miranda Lambert, sent out a series of drunken tweets, went through rehab, took up with Gwen Stefani and just bought Ms. Stefani a pony, is launching his own liquor, Smithworks Vodka.  ***  I believe the product’s tag line is, “Smithworks…even when your brain doesn’t.”

4.      Donald Trump initially refused to disavow endorsement by David Duke, former leader of the KKK, and people were shocked that someone would even want to be associated with a person who was openly racist, hateful and contrary to so many American values.  ***  But, I’m sure Mr. Duke had his reasons.

5.      Wal-Mart is being sued because its “Grated Parmesan Cheese” reportedly contains up to 10% products derived from wood chips.  ***  Faced with this legal action, Wal-Mart has agreed to replace the term “Grated” with “Sawed and Sanded.”

6.      On this date in history:  Mar 4, 1997 – President Clinton bans federally funded human cloning research.   ***  The researchers had refused to make a clone of Monica.

7.      On this date in history:  Mar 2, 1923 – Time magazine debuts.  ***  Management can’t decide whether to go with “Man of the Year” or an annual “Swimsuit” issue.

8.      On this date in history:  Mar 2, 1950 – Silly Putty is invented.  ***  It’s a mystery to today’s kids, who keep looking for the “on” button. 

9.      On this date in history:  Mar 1, 1962 – The first K-Mart opens.  ***  It soon becomes apparent that consumers are not interested in a store that only sells items beginning with the letter “K.”

10.   On this date in history:  Feb 29, 1980 – In England, Michael Bracey is finally rescued after spending 59 hours and 55 minutes trapped in an elevator.  ***  Afterwards, he required extensive therapy to recover from nearly 60 hours of listening to Muzak.