1. As a summertime special, Oreo cookies are being offered with watermelon flavored filling. *** The only drawback is you need to spit out the seeds.
2. The board of directors of Men’s Wearhouse has fired George Zimmer, the company’s founder, chairman and ad spokesman. *** On a positive note, he’ll be the best dressed man in the unemployment line—I guarantee it.
3. A plane carrying former president George W. Bush made an emergency landing in Louisville, Kentucky after the pilot smelled smoke in the cockpit. *** That's quite unusual; normally presidential planes don't declare an emergency unless there's a problem with the smoke AND the mirrors.
4. People in Rome were shocked when Pope Francis refused to attend a classical music event at the Vatican. *** I guess they shouldn’t have combined the concert with the Italian premiere of “After Earth.”
5. Edward Snowden was booked on an Aeroflot flight from Moscow to Cuba but he did not get onboard. *** Apparently the NSA hacked into the Russian airline’s computer and moved him to coach section, center seat, between two mothers with screaming kids.
6. A man in Washington State tied hot air balloons to his lawn chair for a 200 mile trip, but only got 24 miles before getting stuck in a tree. Apparently there wasn’t a lot of preparation; his buddy said, “We were making this up as we went along.” *** And Hillary Clinton, who was just coming out of a Benghazi hearing, said, “Hey, nothing wrong with that!”
7. Authorities have recaptured Rusty, the red panda that escaped from the National Zoo in Washington D.C. *** However, they are still trying to cage several out-of-control congressmen.
8. The biggest June opening ever was achieved by the new Superman movie, "Man of Steel." *** They've already started working on the sequel--it's a high-tech thriller called "Man of Lightweight Composite Material."
9. Airlines in India are having a problem with pilots falling asleep, getting drunk, and having fake licenses. *** So, the next time you fly Air India and see the pilot getting plastered and passing out in the cockpit, you can take comfort in knowing that he’s probably not a real pilot.
10. This fall the NSA will start storing all its surveillance data in Utah. *** Actually, I think they’re gonna need a bigger state.