Friday, October 23, 2015

News for Week Ending Friday, Oct 23, 2015

1.        According to Sunday’s Detroit Free Press, the FBI is continuing to investigate a local criminal ring that has been selling human body parts.  ***  In fact, there is evidence that Jim Caldwell may have recently purchased a new arm for Matthew Stafford.

2.        Oslo, Norway plans to be car-free by 2019.  ***   However, with all the car thefts and carjackings, Detroit may beat them to it.

3.        Researchers at Duke University found that many nail polishes contain TPHP, a chemical that can enter the body and cause hormonal dysfunction.  ***  On the plus side, people will compliment you on your great looking nails. On the negative side, you’ll have an inexplicable urge to scratch their eyes out.

4.        Presidential candidates Ben Carson and Donald Trump are asking for Secret Service protection…***…from each other.

5.        Speaking at an industry conference in San Francisco, Linked-In CEO Jeff Weiner described the difference between a manager and a visionary.  ***  I believe the visionary gets to put his feet up on the desk.

6.        On this date in history:  1960 – The first fully mechanized post office opens in Providence, Rhode Island.  ***  For the first time ever, letters can be lost automatically.

7.        On this date in history: 1774 - In defiance of British rule, colonists in Taunton, Massachusetts raise the first flag displaying the word "Liberty.”   ***  Unfortunately, Betsy Ross was exhausted and said she’d never do another flag with text on it.

8.        On this date in history: 1897 -  The world's first car dealership opens in London.  ***  Showroom traffic is a bit slow while waiting for the automobile to be invented.

9.        On this date in history: 1938 - Chester Carlson demonstrates the first Xerox copying machine. ***  He then hopped off and pulled up his pants.

10.     On this date in history: 1814 – The world’s first plastic surgery is performed.  ***  I believe the patient was a Ms. Kardashian.

Friday, October 16, 2015

News for Week Ending Friday, Oct 16, 2015

1.        In a recent essay about wage inequality for women, Jennifer Lawrence complained about the difficulty of remaining “adorable” while being a tough negotiator.  ***  Well, she could paint a happy face on the nail of her middle finger.

2.        ABC is canceling “Celebrity Wife Swap.” ***  Well, they canceled the TV show.  The celebrities, of course, will continue swapping wives.

3.        After visiting prisoners at San Quentin this week, Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg called for major prison reforms.  ***   His first proposal is a new web site for inmates:  Mugbook.

4.        At Wal-Mart’s annual shareholders meeting, CEO Doug McMillon announced that the chain store will begin targeting more upscale customers.  ***  Those would be the people wearing designer flip-flops.

5.        In an interview on “60 Minutes,” President Obama said that Hillary Clinton’s use of a personal e-mail server was a mistake, but she did not endanger national security.  ***  He said she’d have to be elected president to do that.

6.        On this date in history:  1966 – More than 100 anti-draft demonstrators, including Joan Baez, are arrested in Oakland.  ***  However, they win a Grammy for the protest with the best music ever.

7.        On this date in history:  1860 - 11-year-old Grace Bedell writes to Abraham Lincoln, tells him to grow a beard.  ***  Lincoln writes back, tells her to get a life.

8.        On this date in history:  1937 - Ernest Hemingway’s novel "To Have & Have Not" is published. ***  Unfortunately, the “Have Nots” have to wait for the less expensive paperback version.

9.        On this date in history:  1902 - President Roosevelt threatens to respond to a miners’ strike by using army troops to work the coal mines.  ***  Soldiers reportedly say, “Hey, just a minute…”

10.     On this date in history:  1968 - Norma Enriqueta Basilio Satelo becomes the first woman to light the Olympic flame.  ***  Fortunately, the organizers resisted the urge to play “Come On, Baby Light My Fire.”

Monday, October 12, 2015

News for Week Ending Friday, Oct 9, 2015

1.        A man in India divorced his wife by using WhatsApp to text a “triple talaq,” which is stating three times that he is divorcing her.  Experts are now reviewing the case to see if the use of texting was valid.  ***  They’re not sure if the man needed to actually type the divorce statement three times, or if it was OK to just copy and paste.

2.        Lawsuits have been filed against Hershey’s, Nestle and Mars, accusing them of using slave child labor to harvest the cocoa used to make chocolate.  ***  A lawsuit was also filed against a Mr. Willy Wonka, who claims that despite their short stature, his workers--the Oompa Loompas--are all adults.

3.        Investigators from several countries are trying to determine why the terror group ISIS has so many Toyotas that have been converted for military use.   ***  Darn it--If they had Volkswagens then all their vehicles could be recalled because of the emissions problem.

4.        According to Orbiz, today is the cheapest day to buy tickets for Thanksgiving air travel.  ***   However, most people don’t know this far in advance if they’ll still be on good terms with their relatives.

5.        Hilary Clinton says she loves being on Saturday Night Live because it’s such a creative process and they’re constantly rewriting her lines right up to show time.  ***   She says it’s just like testifying at a Benghazi hearing.

6.        On this date in history:  1000 - Leif Ericson reputedly becomes the first European to reach North America by landing in Canada. ***  His buddies give him the nickname “Maple Leif.”

7.        On this date in history:  876 – In the Battle of Andernach at the Rhine River, “Louis the Younger” defeats “Charles the Bald.”  *** Millennials 1, Seniors 0.

8.        On this date in history:  1818 - Two English boxers are the first to use padded gloves.   ***   It was also the first documented use of the term “Wuss!”

9.        On this date in history:  1856 - Cyrus Chambers Jr. patents a machine that folds newspapers.  ***  Of course, these days many newspapers are folding all by themselves.

10.     On this date in history:  1956 - "The Ten Commandments," directed by Cecil B. DeMille and starring Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner, opens in the U.S.  ***  It’s kind of like church, but with popcorn.