1. In an interview on Entertainment Tonight, former “Knight Rider” star David Hasselhoff confirmed reports that he has lost all his money. *** He said that’s the last time he’ll ever take investment advice from a talking car.
2. Using new measuring technology, scientists have just discovered that the Great Pyramid of Giza was built slightly lopsided. *** Consequently, it will now be known as the Good Pyramid of Giza.
3. Mabel Jackson, a 100 year-old woman in Suffolk, England, says that drinking six gin & tonics every day keeps her young. *** Of course she still feels young—she can’t remember the last 60 years.
4. According to stock market guru Jim Cramer, two things that millennials love spending money on are cell phones and make-up. *** Apparently they want to look good for their selfies.
5. During a performance in Saskatoon, Canada, Justin Bieber accidentally fell through a trap door and disappeared. A lot of people were really and truly heartbroken… *** … when he reappeared.
6. On this date in history: Jun 24, 1947 – Flying saucers are sighted over Mount Rainier by pilot Ken Arnold. *** Hey, that’s just what I want to hear my pilot saying: “Folks, I’m seein’ some flying saucers out the window…and I’m hearing voices, too…but why don’t y’all relax and enjoy the flight.”
7. On this date in history: Jun 23, 1979 – The Charlie Daniels Band releases "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." *** Of course, it seems like he’s been to a lot more places since then.
8. On this date in history: Jun 22, 1847 – The donut is created. *** Within a year, the average policeman gained ten pounds.
9. On this date in history: Jun 21, 1834 – Cyrus Hall McCormick patents the reaping machine. *** Actually, I thought it had been invented by a guy named Grim.
10. On this date in history: Jun 20, 1893 – In New Bedford, Massachusetts, Lizzie Borden is found innocent of the axe murders of her parents. *** However, she later had her own show on the Home Chopping Network.