1. A fire broke out on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship in the Bahamas. *** Now, if that had happened on a Carnival cruise ship, the flames would have been doused by the overflowing toilets.
2. Producers of the upcoming Superman movie, “Man of Steel,” say that a big explosion scene features a Sears store because they wanted more realism. *** And because they didn’t want to blow up a place with a lot of customers.
3. Belgium scientists believe that a fossil found in China is that of the first bird, which came on the scene during the Jurassic period. *** And started a 150 million year reign of terror for earthworms.
4. Senator John McCain made a surprise trip to Syria to speak with the rebel groups there. *** It was part of his continuing efforts to find a job for Sarah Palin. (“Come on, guys—you sure you don’t need a vice president?”)
5. President Obama plans to discuss cybersecurity when he meets with the president of China in California next week. *** He wants assurances that money loaned to America is protected by a really good password.
6. Someone mailed the poison ricin to New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. *** However, the sender did comply with the mayor’s mandate that poison be served in containers no larger than 16 ounces.
7. An Alaska Airlines passenger tried to open the emergency door on a flight to Portland, Oregon. *** Some people will do anything to get a little extra leg room.
8. The helicopter carrying Prince Charles and Camilla had to make a sudden emergency landing, but they still made their scheduled appearance at a literary festival, where attendees marveled at the fact that Charles looked so relaxed, considering the terrible ordeal he had just survived. *** Marriage to Camilla.
9. In her commencement address to the Harvard Class of 2013, Oprah Winfrey said she supports background checks for gun buyers. *** Meanwhile, the students demanded background checks for commencement speakers.
10. Jurors in the penalty phase of the Jodi Arias murder trial were unable to reach a consensus on the death penalty. *** However, after reviewing all the evidence, they unanimously agreed that she looked better as a blonde.