1. June Foray has passed away at the age of 99; she was the cartoon voice of Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Russian spy Natasha Fatale. *** Hmmm…it seems VERY SUSPICIOUS that Ms. Foray died just two days before Natasha was due to testify about alleged connections with Donald Trump’s campaign staff.
2. One day after canceling the tour promoting his new album with hits like “What Do You Mean?” and “Sorry,” Justin Bieber struck a paparazzo while driving away from an event in Beverly Hills. *** He will now start working on his next album, with songs like “Get the H*** Out of My Way,” “Move Your Sorry A**,” and “Hey, I’m Glad I Broke Your Camera.”
3. Steve Whitmire, who was fired after 27 years of puppeteering Kermit the Frog, said it had been even more than a job, a career and a passion—it was his whole life. *** In fact, in one of the interviews Mr. Whitmire got so emotional he fell off his lily pad.
4. The big annual Taedonggang Beer Festival in North Korea has been cancelled. *** Several organizers had woken up in a cold sweat after having nightmares about Kim Jong Un putting on lederhosen and trying to dance the polka.
5. A Texas-based coffee distributor has been ordered to recall a coffee blend that contains a chemical similar to the active drug in Viagra. *** Authorities were forced to take action after state-wide complaints about employees being late for work.
6. On this date in history: Jul 28, 1931 – "The Star-Spangled Banner" is designated as our national anthem. *** It was unanimously approved by baseball parks everywhere.
7. On this date in history: Jul 27, 1844 – Fire destroys the U.S. mint at Charlotte, NC. *** How sad. Just a day earlier it was in mint condition.
8. On this date in history: Jul 26, 1990 – General Hospital tapes its 7,000th episode. *** It was about the unlikely love affair between a dedicated doctor and a patient who was only on the Bronze Plan.
9. On this date in history: Jul 25, 1943 – Benito Mussolini is dismissed as premier of Italy. *** He knew something was up when they asked him to come down to the HR Department.
10. On this date in history: July 24, 1967 – The Beatles sign a petition in The Times to legalize marijuana. *** As an incentive, they said if it was legalized they would explain the lyrics to “I Am the Walrus.”