1. Federal Trade Commission records show that South Florida has the highest rate of reported identity theft. *** Note to seniors: Just because you can’t remember your name, that doesn’t mean somebody stole it.
2. In spite of the global outcry, many Zimbabweans are unaware of the killing of their famous lion, Cecil, by a Minnesota dentist. In fact, some of the people interviewed asked, “What lion?” *** But most of them asked, “What’s a dentist?”
3. Donald Trump just sold his beautifully appointed New York apartment for $21 million. *** Proving that if he can’t “Make America great again,” at least he can redecorate it.
4. According to a list compiled by the World Economic Forum, the most dangerous country in the world to visit is Nigeria. *** Darn it, just when I was packing my bags to go pick up my gold bars.
5. The hunter who killed Cecil, a beloved black-maned lion in Zimbabwe, with a crossbow has been identified as a Minnesota dentist. *** Before letting the arrow fly he said, “Now, this might sting a little.”
6. Bugs Bunny turns 75 years old this week. *** These days he always asks two questions: “What’s up, Doc?” and “Is it covered by Medicare?”
7. Physicist Stephen Hawking says autonomous weapons may be the greatest threat to mankind. *** That statement was very upsetting to Donald Trump, who never likes to come in second.
8. At a Kroger store in Novi, Michigan, a man walked up the meat counter stark naked. *** Of course, as soon as he saw the other customers staring at him he realized he should have taken a number.
9. There were many protests this weekend as the Satanic Temple unveiled its controversial bronze statue in Detroit. *** Detroiters didn’t mind that the sculpture depicted the devil, but they were outraged that he was driving a Toyota.
10. A banana species called Gros Michel, which was once the world’s primary export variety, has just been declared extinct. *** Actually, the U.S. government had already banned it in the interested of public safety because its peels were too slippery.