Friday, July 17, 2015

Friday, July 17, 2015

1.        The medical center where George H.W. Bush was treated for his neck injury has a children’s hospital named after his wife.  ***  So, of course he got preferential treatment: TWO lollipops.

2.        In order to appeal to millennials, La-Z-Boy is remodeling its furniture stores.   ***   And their recliners now feature charging stations, USB ports and integrated selfie cameras.

3.        Authorities believe the blast on a Rhode Island beach that blew a woman five feet into the air might have been due to methane from decaying seaweed  ***  or the two Burrito Supremes that she had for lunch.

4.        Computer code writing company is proud of its diversity efforts and says that now 43% of its employees are female.  ***  The other 57% declined the company’s offer of a free sex change.

5.        A nuclear agreement with Iran has been reached after both sides agreed to some major compromises.   ***  The U.S. will lift billions of dollars in trade sanctions and Iran promised to “Like” our Facebook page.

6.        Tom Cruise is preparing to film “Top Gun 2,” 30 years after the original.   ***   His new fighter jet will be equipped with barrier-free entry, large-text instrumentation and senior-friendly control knobs.

7.        Caitlyn Jenner received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPYs.  ***  When told that she would be getting the Ashe award, Caitlyn said, “That’s great, but aren’t my boobs nice, too?”

8.        Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin Guzman escaped from prison through an elaborate mile-long tunnel with lighting, ventilation and motorized dirt removal.  His nickname is “El Chapo.”  ***  Now, don’t confuse him with the prisoner who is still trying to dig his way out with a spoon. That would be “El Cheapo.”

9.        An anonymous benefactor has offered a $1 million reward for a pair of ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in “The Wizard of Oz” which were stolen from a museum ten years ago.  ***  Previously, museum officials had appealed to the thief to return the stolen goods by just clicking the heels together three times. 

10.     Police are investigating a video showing Ariana Grande licking a tray of donuts in a Los Angeles donut shop.   ***  Officers O’Malley and Jackson said they just wanted to make sure she hadn’t touched any of the ones that were glazed, jelly filled or had white icing with all those little sprinkles on top.

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