1. Sealed Air Corporation, which makes Bubble Wrap packaging, has introduced a new version of the product which is not “poppable.” *** However, for users who like to pop Bubble Wrap, the company will provide a free brochure describing 100 other ways to annoy people.
2. Although they’re getting divorced, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Gardner will continue to live in the same house and “co-parent” their children. Fortunately, the house is quite large, with enough space for separate living quarters for Ben, Jennifer *** and the full-time therapist for the kids.
3. President Obama announced that the U.S. is opening an embassy in Cuba. *** And our ambassador there will be a well-known expert on Hispanic people: Donald Trump.
4. In the midst of the financial crisis, some banks in Greece are re-opening their doors, but say they will be serving customers over several days in alphabetical order. *** Bad news for Zorba the Greek.
5. Captured prison escapee David Sweat says that contrary to earlier reports, he did not use power tools to cut his way to freedom. *** Unfortunately, that kills his chances for a really sweet endorsement deal with DeWalt.
6. In Detroit, a 97 year old woman was reportedly distraught after sitting in her nephew’s car while it was carjacked. *** Sounds like another senior unfamiliar with the concept of valet parking.
7. McDonald’s is trying to go upscale by adding lobster rolls to its menu. *** And nothing says fine dining like a waiter asking, “You want fries with that?”
8. President Obama announced that he wants to change the law so that five million more workers will be eligible for overtime pay. *** Details have not yet been released, but he did have a time clock installed in the Oval Office.
9. The Social Security Administration’s annual list of baby names shows that there is growing popularity of names that can be used for either a boy or a girl, like Jordan or Taylor *** or Caitlyn.
10. This week an Illinois man was struck by lightning for the second time in 18 years. Ironically, his name is Rod, so he has an obvious nickname. *** Crispy?