1. On a “Fox & Friends” segment about North Korea, Jillian Mele said, “Kim Jong Un is quite the romantic.” *** Yes, nothing says “ambiance” like wine, cheese and candlelight while watching a late night execution.
2. The Reader’s Digest website has an article on “How to Unlock Your Car Door without a Key in 30 Seconds.” *** Park it in downtown Detroit and walk away.
3. Thai citizenship has been granted to three of the boys who were trapped in a cave for two weeks and then extricated by a harrowing rescue through two miles of flooded tunnels. *** The U.S. Congress was impressed and is now considering a similar citizenship process for DACA.
4. The Hood company has recalled its Vanilla Almond Breeze almond milk because it may actually contain some dairy milk. *** How could they possibly get dairy and almond milks confused? Everyone knows that milk-giving cows are the ones without the nuts.
5. While attempting the “Keke Challenge,” which involves jumping out of a moving car while dancing to a hip-hop song, an 18 year old Iowa girl fell and suffered a fractured skull. *** Yes, doctors say skulls are always more likely to fracture when there’s nothing inside.
6. On this date in history: Aug 10, 1846 – The Smithsonian Institution, sometimes referred to as “the nation's attic," is established by Congress. *** Sometimes referred to as “the nation’s swamp.”
7. On this date in history: Aug 9, 1803 – The first horses arrive in Hawaii. *** Really? They couldn’t just take their vacations in a pasture back home?
8. On this date in history: Aug 8, 1918 – After 6 U.S. soldiers are surrounded in France, Alvin York shoots 20 Germans and captures 132 more. *** After the war, the German government gave each of those 132 soldiers the coveted “Stupid Dummkopf Award.”
9. On this date in history: Aug 7, 1789 – The U.S. War Department is established. *** And it did a great job of creating and maintaining wars for many, many years.
10. On this date in history: Aug 6, 1961 – Russian cosmonaut Gherman Titov becomes the first person to report motion sickness in space. *** Unfortunately, he had to spend the rest of the flight trying to clean his helmet.