1. Pamela Anderson had died her hair brunette. *** Well, that comes as a shock to all of us “Baywatch” fans who remember so many drowning swimmers pushing David Hasselhoff away and yelling, “Send the blonde! Send the blonde!”
2. Pope Francis has revealed that before he joined the priesthood he worked as a bouncer in a Buenos Aries night club. *** But he got fired; instead of just kicking out the troublemakers he tried to get them excommunicated.
3. It’s tough to figure out how the economy is doing these days. *** When the number of applications for unemployment benefits drops, I don’t know if it’s due to an improving economy or another government website not working.
4. On a new U.S. postage stamp the image of the Statue of Liberty was erroneously modeled after the Statue of Liberty replica in Las Vegas. *** Well, that would explain why Miss Liberty is topless.
5. In a 1972 survey, 2/3 of Americans said that most people could be trusted, but in this year’s repeat of the survey only 1/3 felt that way. *** In fact, this year nobody trusted the people taking the survey.
6. A top Chinese filmmaker has publicly apologized for having three children, which is in violation of China’s “one-child” policy. *** However, that policy does include an “NBA waiver” which says it’s OK for basketball players to have as many kids as they want, as long as each one is with a different woman.
7. Russian officials ordered the dismantling of a huge, 100-foot by 30-foot Louis Vuitton suitcase being displayed In Moscow’s Red Square. *** I believe it was the actual suitcase used by Edward Snowden to carry secret documents out of the United States.
8. In Pakistan, General Raheel Sharif has been appointed Chief of the Army. *** The primary requirement for the position is the ability to denounce American drone strikes while demanding more American aid, and do both those things while keeping a straight face.
9. In Minnesota a man was arrested after throwing $1,000 in one-dollar bills from a balcony at the Mall of America. *** It was just Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke trying one more way to jump start the economy.
10. In Pakistan, a senior official in the Haqqani branch of the Taliban was killed by an American drone strike. *** Or as the locals call it, the Taliban retirement program.