1. Kim Kardashian plans to get a restraining order against the guy who ran up to her in Paris and tried to kiss her butt. *** Ms. Kardashian said she appreciates the gesture, but clarified that she only wants people to do that figuratively.
2. A study at Michigan State University has found that riding a roller coaster can help men pass a kidney stone. *** Although it can be a little messy for the people sitting behind them.
3. According to the website Delish.com, at least ten popular breakfast cereals have more sugar per serving than a glazed donut. *** OK, but I’m guessing that cops are still going to stick with the donut.
4. Target has removed kids’ “mini carts” from its stores after complaints about carts careening out of control, bumping into people, and blocking the aisles. *** It just wasn’t safe having little kids around carts pushed by seniors.
5. Professional ballerinas are upset at Kendall Jenner after she posed for Vogue in a variety of ballet outfits. *** What a bunch of whiners…I mean, you don’t hear prostitutes complaining when she dresses like a hooker.
6. On this date in history: Sep 30, 1452 – Johann Guttenberg's press prints its first book, the Bible. *** The print was sharp, the binding was tight and Bible-thumpers everywhere said it was perfectly thumpable. (In fact, they gave it two thumps up.)
7. On this date in history: Sep 29, 1969 – ABC premieres "Love American Style." *** Let’s see, that would include exaggerated profiles on match.com, countless displays of affection on Facebook and an ironclad pre-nup.
8. On this date in history: Sep 28, 1980 – Jaromir Wagner becomes the first person to fly across the Atlantic standing on the wing. *** A bit cold, but much cheaper than coach.
9. On this date in history: Sep 27, 1988 – Lab tests reportedly show the “Shroud of Turin” is not Christ`s burial cloth. *** Perhaps beach blanket?
10. On this date in history: Sep 26, 1957 – The musical "West Side Story" opens on Broadway. *** And, in a display of political correctness, the theater offered the East Side equal time to tell its story.