1. WalletHub.com says that Michigan is the worst state for bullying, but a Michigan official says the state is doing an outstanding job of addressing the problem. *** He said anyone who doesn’t believe him is wussy little momma’s boy and all those crybabies can meet him behind the capitol building for a free knuckle sandwich.
2. A 67 year old woman in Melbourne, Florida has set a world record for elderly females by covering 91.5% of her body with tattoos. *** You know, it’s surprising that there are still some seniors who haven’t heard of post-it notes.
3. Ryan Lochte’s appearance on Dancing with the Stars was interrupted when two protestors wearing anti-Lochte T-shirts stormed the stage. *** According to Mr. Lochte, however, there were actually six heavily armed gunman wearing body armor who held him at gunpoint and then took all his money during the commercial.
4. A Florida teenager recently arrested for attempting to fraudulently buy a car was previously convicted of impersonating a doctor and practicing medicine without a license. *** The law clearly states that unlicensed doctors are only allowed to treat patients who have the Bronze Plan.
5. In Detroit, Norman Shy was sentenced to five years in prison for a kickback scheme that siphoned off money intended for school supplies. *** In his cell he was given a pen that was out of ink, a broken pencil sharpener and a 12-pack of crayons with 8 colors missing.
6. On this date in history: Sep 16, 1983 – Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes a U.S. citizen. *** Although there was a little delay when he listed his occupation as “Terminator.”
7. On this date in history: Sep 15, 1620 – The Mayflower departs from Plymouth, England and sails for America with 102 pilgrims onboard. *** Travelocity gladly took their money and assured them that their hotel reservations were guaranteed.
8. On this date in history: Sep 14, 1807 – Aaron Burr is acquitted of a misdemeanor charge. *** He had been charged with DWI – Dueling While Intoxicated
9. On this date in history: Sep 13, 1788 – New York City becomes the capital of the United States. *** Thank goodness that didn’t stick. Instead of the White House, presidents would be living in the White Condo.
10. On this date in history: Sep 12, 1978 – The sitcom "Taxi" premiers on ABC television *** ABC is now working on a sequel; it will be called “Uber.”