Friday, August 11, 2017

News for Week Ending Friday, Aug 11, 2017

1.   A New York City bakery has teamed up with the Ruffino winery to make “prosecco donuts” for wine lovers.  ***   They’ll be sold in a new chain, Drunken Donuts.

2.   The U.S. plans to put a tariff on aluminum foil from China.  ***   However, the White House said an exemption will be granted for the fashionable Ivanka line of microwave-resistant headwear.

3.   Justin Bieber was spotted taking part in a practice round and getting advice from elite golfers at a PGA golf tournament in North Carolina this week.   ***   He wants to improve his swing for hitting drives, chip shots and paparazzi.

4.   A man in Roseville, Michigan says a Tim Horton’s employee slammed the drive-thru window on his hand and broke his finger.  ***  I’ll bet that’s the last time he orders the “Wake-Up Special.”

5.   Vice President Mike Pence is denying a New York Times report that he has started a “shadow campaign” to win the presidency in 2020.  ***  In fact, he says he hasn’t even met with the Russians yet.

6.   On this date in history:  Aug 11, 1972 – "Cheech & Chong Day" takes place in San Antonio, Texas.  ***   It would be almost a week before people could see the sun again. 

7.   On this date in history:  Aug 10, 1975 – David Frost purchases exclusive rights to interview Nixon.   ***  These days it costs a bit more to interview a former politician; first you have to put up their bail money.

8.   On this date in history:  Aug 9, 1855 – The Battle of Acapulco takes place in Mexico.  ***   It was the Spring Breakers vs. the Summer Vacationers.

9.   On this date in history:  Aug 8, 1860 – The queen of the Sandwich Islands arrives in New York City.   ***   She was accompanied by her boyfriend, Jimmy John. 


10.  On this date in history:  Aug 7, 1820 – The first potatoes are planted in Hawaii.   ***   After which the landowner yelled, “I said PINEAPPLES you idiot, PINEAPPLES!”

Friday, August 4, 2017

News for Week Ending Friday, Aug 1, 2017

1.   The NFL is planning to study marijuana for pain management.  ***  Of course, they’ll have to lift the restriction against smoking in the huddle.

2.   Good news for Sean Spicer: He’s been invited to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.”  ***   The bad news:  His partner will be a motorized podium.

3.   The World Health Organization says that at least three people in the world have been infected with a new “superbug” strain of gonorrhea. ***  Actually, only two cases have been confirmed, but they assume Charlie Sheen will make it three. 

4.   The Hallmark Channel has announced it will debut 33 new Christmas movies this year.  ***  But only 2 new plots.

5.   According the show’s producers, Donald Trump once wanted to voice a character on “The Simpsons,” but was denied.  ***    In a clear act of revenge, the President recently revealed that that rejection is the only reason Homer isn’t the new Chief of Staff at the White House.

6.   On this date in history:  Aug 4, 1970 – Jim Morrison is arrested for drunkenness.  ***  He was seen stumbling up to people on the street and asking them to light his fire. 

7.   On this date in history:  Aug 3, 1963 – Allan Sherman releases "Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda," a song about a camper’s letter to his folks.  ***   Of course, today he’d post his complaints on Facebook, send a text to his parents, and then contact Uber to come and take him home. 

8.   On this date in history:  Aug 2, 1991 – Funk singer Rick James is arrested and accused of sexual torture.   ***   I believe he was eventually charged with 12 shades of grey.

9.   On this date in history:  Aug 1, 1991 – Actress Hedy Lamarr, 77, is arrested for shoplifting in Florida.  ***  Fortunately, it was before 4:00 P.M., so she qualified for a reduced fine under Florida’s “Early Bird Special” laws for seniors.


10.  On this date in history:  Jul 31, 1970 – Chet Huntley retires from NBC, ending the "Huntley-Brinkley Report."   ***  Actually, he quit in disgust when Brinkley wouldn’t stop trying to get his name first.