1. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are engaged. *** And they want to have the wedding real soon so the engagement won’t be longer than the marriage.
2. In a recent poll, 86% of Americans said they do not approve of the job that Congress is doing. *** Obviously the other 14% didn’t understand the question.
3. A woman fainted during President Obama’s Rose Garden speech on Affordable Health Care. *** Well, they call it “fainting.” I call it “sticker shock.”
4. Speaking in the White House Rose Garden, President Obama said that there was a “massive demand” for his Affordable Health Care program, based on 20 million people visiting the web site. *** Hey, millions of people have visited Alcatraz; that doesn’t mean they want to move in.
5. Three Americans have won the Nobel Prize in Economics. *** Which is like giving the Nobel Peace Prize to the Somali pirates.
6. Appearing on the TV talk show “This Week,” Nancy Pelosi said that the glitches in the rollout of Obamacare were “unacceptable.” *** She was referring to the fact that the system wouldn’t let her register for Botox treatments.
7. Four Somali pirates have been sentenced to 7 years in prison in Kenya. *** That might not seem like much, but every evening they’ll be required to watch the movie “Captain Phillips.”
8. Both of the two top candidates for mayor of New York City are in favor of banning horse-drawn carriages. *** So, just like everywhere else in the U.S., people wishing to be taken for a ride will need to contact their Congressman.
9. According to a Pew Research Center study of people who tried on-line dating, 23 percent have entered into a long term relationship or gotten married. *** The other 77 percent were already married.
10. The plans for Mitt Romney’s new house in Utah show a hidden room that is accessed through a swivel bookcase in the library. ***
Former President Clinton said: “That’s a great idea. When I build a new house I’m going to make sure the budget includes a hidden room off the library where I can have an affair.”
Former President Carter said: “What’s an affair?”
Former President Bush said: “What’s a library?”
President Obama said: “What’s a budget?”