1. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Mia Farrow says the biological father of her son Ronan might be Frank Sinatra, rather than Woody Allen as previously believed. *** She’s just trying to remember—on that fateful night, did the guy in bed with her sing or tell jokes.
2. At a Senate committee hearing, the head of the NSA, General Keith Alexander, testified that his agency had once tested whether it could track the locations of Americans’ cell phones. *** How’s that for a Verizon commercial: “Can you track me now?”
3. We now have more information on Monday’s commuter train crash in Chicago. Authorities say there was no one at the controls, so it was unstoppable, continuing down the tracks, endangering countless people, and then crashing and coming to a complete stop. *** Oh wait, that’s the update on the situation in Congress.
4. The Supreme Court has just agreed to hear a copyright infringement case regarding the 1963 movie “Raging Bull.” *** Now, don’t get that confused with what’s happening in Congress, which is “political bull.”
5. Apple has replaced Coca-Cola as the most valuable brand in the world. *** In fact, the Apple brand is so popular they’ve even named a fruit after it.
6. According to a study by QSR magazine, fast food drive thru’s are 8 seconds slower than last year. One reason is an increased emphasis on customer satisfaction by making sure the order is correct. *** Yeah, Americans really hate getting fat on the wrong food.
7. Government employees furloughed by the shutdown at agencies like NASA were allowed to come into work for half a day to set up “out of office” e-mail replies and voice mail greetings. *** SPACECRAFT: “Houston, we have a problem.” NASA: “This is Houston. We can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message.”
8. “The Butler” is no longer tops at the box office. *** Because of the government shutdown, the ending has been changed. Now the butler is declared “non-essential” and he leaves the White House after telling the president to “get your own damn coffee.”
9. The Senate is proposing legislation that would limit the NSA’s ability to monitor phone calls. *** So, now when you phone someone you may get a message saying, “Hi. This is the NSA. We’re sorry, but we can’t record your call right now...”
10. More than half of all British airline pilots recently surveyed say they have fallen asleep during flights. *** The scary part is that they usually woke up because the co-pilot was snoring.