1. Luxury Travel Intelligence has just named Robert DeNiro’s Philippine hotel, Nobu, “The Worst New Luxury Hotel of 2015,” saying the accommodations are fine but management is weak. *** And whenever a guest asks for service, the staff always says, “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else you talking…you talking to me?...”
2. A man in Oklahoma was so upset over his hotel bill that he drove his pick-up through the lobby and crashed into the front desk. *** After that, I guess he didn’t need to ring the bell.
3. “The Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence told Stephen Colbert it’s not a good idea to contact aliens from outer space because we would just try to kill each other. *** She said if scientists continue to reach out, she’ll start keeping a bow and arrow by her bed.
4. Hillary Clinton says she has a “360 degree plan” to destroy ISIS. *** Yep, I think 360 degrees would be hot enough.
5. With the help of a spiritual medium, the Kardashian girls’ departed father, Robert Kardashian, gave them a message from the grave. *** He told them he’s been rolling over a lot.
6. On this date in history: 1582 – The Netherlands, Denmark and Norway adopt the Gregorian calendar. *** They were especially impressed by Miss April.
7. On this date in history: 1813 – In the War of 1812, the British take Fort Niagara. *** It wasn’t easy; just to get to the fort they had to fight their way through hundreds of honeymooners.
8. On this date in history: 1979 – The Budweiser streamliner set a wheeled vehicle speed record of 730 mph. *** The Clydesdales were exhausted.
9. On this date in history: 1979 - "Love Story," starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw, is released. *** Millions of men stop apologizing.
10. On this date in history: 1977 - "Saturday Night Fever," starring John Travolta, premieres. *** In the following weeks, thousands of men strain their vocal cords trying to sound like the BeeGees.