1. In a recent essay about wage inequality for women, Jennifer Lawrence complained about the difficulty of remaining “adorable” while being a tough negotiator. *** Well, she could paint a happy face on the nail of her middle finger.
2. ABC is canceling “Celebrity Wife Swap.” *** Well, they canceled the TV show. The celebrities, of course, will continue swapping wives.
3. After visiting prisoners at San Quentin this week, Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg called for major prison reforms. *** His first proposal is a new web site for inmates: Mugbook.
4. At Wal-Mart’s annual shareholders meeting, CEO Doug McMillon announced that the chain store will begin targeting more upscale customers. *** Those would be the people wearing designer flip-flops.
5. In an interview on “60 Minutes,” President Obama said that Hillary Clinton’s use of a personal e-mail server was a mistake, but she did not endanger national security. *** He said she’d have to be elected president to do that.
6. On this date in history: 1966 – More than 100 anti-draft demonstrators, including Joan Baez, are arrested in Oakland. *** However, they win a Grammy for the protest with the best music ever.
7. On this date in history: 1860 - 11-year-old Grace Bedell writes to Abraham Lincoln, tells him to grow a beard. *** Lincoln writes back, tells her to get a life.
8. On this date in history: 1937 - Ernest Hemingway’s novel "To Have & Have Not" is published. *** Unfortunately, the “Have Nots” have to wait for the less expensive paperback version.
9. On this date in history: 1902 - President Roosevelt threatens to respond to a miners’ strike by using army troops to work the coal mines. *** Soldiers reportedly say, “Hey, just a minute…”
10. On this date in history: 1968 - Norma Enriqueta Basilio Satelo becomes the first woman to light the Olympic flame. *** Fortunately, the organizers resisted the urge to play “Come On, Baby Light My Fire.”