Friday, May 3, 2013

Friday, May 3, 2013

1.        The company Wool & Prince claims to have developed a fabric that allows a shirt to be worn 100 times between washings.   ***  I believe we already have that.  It’s called “retirement.”

2.        Police searching a man’s home in Watertown, Connecticut found 300 one-gallon containers filled with urine.  ***  So, now we know where Lance Armstrong’s real specimens ended up.

3.        NASA officials say that because of Congress’s failure to approve funding, they have to pay Russia $70 million per seat for trips to the International Space Station.  ***  They’re especially upset about the $10 million additional charge for each carry-on.

4.        France plans to save money by cutting 24,000 jobs in the military.   ***  In the future, soldiers will go into battle carrying a white flag with the symbol of a French franc to indicate that they are now surrendering for budgetary reasons.

5.        San Diego and Tijuana are considering a bid to co-host the 2024 Olympics.  ***  They are also proposing a new track and field event:  The 2,000 meter tunnel dash.

6.        By using advanced imaging equipment, scientists have been able to recover Alexander Graham Bell’s voice from a recording that he made on a wax-covered disc in 1885, a few years after he invented the telephone.  ***  I believe the recording says, “This is Alexander Graham Bell.  I can’t come to the phone right now...”

7.        Dozens of air shows across the country have been cancelled because military precision flying teams like the Blue Angels would not be performing due to sequester budget cuts.   ***  However, a few shows will go on.  By special arrangement they’ll be featuring flyovers by North Korean missiles.

8.        The personal ledger of F. Scott Fitzgerald has been made available on-line, and it shows that he was paid less than $2,000 for “The Great Gatsby.”   ***  However, he did pick up a few more bucks by writing the Cliffs Notes version.

9.        The Prime Minister of Turkey upset a lot of people in that country when he proclaimed that the national beverage was not beer, but rather, a non-alcoholic  drink made from yogurt.   ***  And then he declared that the national sport was Pilates.

10.      All five living presidents gathered in Texas for the opening of the George H. Bush presidential library.  ***  But, it was a bit awkward.  As a former librarian, Laura Bush made everybody whisper.

1 comment:

  1. Hey dad, how's that retirement shirt working out for you? One week in...

    Great joke :)