Friday, May 24, 2013

Friday, May 24, 2013

1.      An 87 year old Chicago woman is suing Donald Trump for cheating in a business deal, but lawyers for Mr. Trump said the woman understood the contract and “nobody put a gun to her head.”   ***   When Trump heard this he was furious and he asked his staff, “OK, who was the idiot that forgot to bring the gun?”

2.      A derelict Russian cruise ship, the “Lyubov Orlova,” which was abandoned in 2010 and then broke loose while being towed to a scrap yard, has not been seen for several months, and authorities now believe it has probably sunk.   ***  Or, it’s the newest addition to the Carnival Cruise Line.

3.      D.N.A.M. Apparel Industries is suing Lindsay Lohan for $5 million, claiming that her highly publicized personal problems have made her “6126” clothing line unmarketable.  ***  As you may know, the name “6126” comes from the number of times Lindsay has been to rehab.  

4.      According to a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, a regimen of vitamins B6 and B12, along with folic acid, can delay the onset of dementia.  ***  However, the White House has refused to endorse this treatment until after people have forgotten about the Benghazi, IRS and Justice Department scandals.

5.      The new immigration bill is working its way through Congress, although some people feel it is too soft on illegal immigrants.   ***   In hindsight, maybe the bill should not have been written in Spanish.

6.      The Philips company is partnering with Apple to market a “smart” light bulb that can be programmed to change colors based on the time or the weather or other conditions.  It’s available in a $200 starter kit.   ***  So, how many guys does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one, but he’s gotta be rich.

7.      In the Middle East, residents of Gaza are using secret tunnels to sneak into Egypt and get Kentucky Fried Chicken.   ***  The only problem is that before every trip they have to make the tunnel wider.

8.      The North Carolina auto dealers association wants to halt the sale of Tesla electric cars on-line because it violates a state law that requires a dealer to be involved.  ***   They also claim that Tesla violates another North Carolina law by not having sufficient cargo space for a complete load of moonshine.

9.      In Berlin, Germany the Mattel company erected a full-size pink doll house to promote the Barbie Doll, but it was protested by topless women who said the doll is demeaning to females.   ***   Mattel responded by announcing the launch of a new model, “Protest Barbie,” which comes with a complete wardrobe, but only below the waist.

10.    The Colgate-Palmolive company has invented a toothbrush that can give you a shot of caffeine while you brush your teeth.   ***  But it’s a little awkward to use because you first have to put cream and sugar on the bristles.

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