News for Week Ending Friday, Jun 17, 2016

1.  A corrupt government official in Argentina was caught tossing bundles of money over the wall of a monastery.  ***  As a monk went to phone the police another monk yelled after him, “Dial slowly!”

2.  An elementary school in Alabama is being criticized for sending a child home with a stamp on his arm saying “I need lunch money,” but school officials said such stamps are standard practice for getting messages to parents.  ***  In fact, the kid had to take off his shirt to show mom and dad his report card.

3.  Donald Trump announced that he has added two words to his campaign slogan.  It’s now “Make America great again—for everyone.”   ***  In the interest of full disclosure, a Trump spokesman did point out that the word “everyone” is followed by an asterisk.

4.  Researchers at New Mexico State University say that Victoria’s Secret Bombshell perfume is very effective as a mosquito repellent.  ***   That’s great news for women who want to put on some sexy Victoria’s Secret lingerie, spray on a little Victoria’s Secret perfume, and go camping.

5.  The Playboy Mansion has been sold to the next door neighbor, Daren Metropoulos, whose private equity firm owns the Hostess company.  ***  Well, I guess that’s appropriate since both homes are full of Ding Dongs.

6.  On this date in history:  Jun 17, 1775 – The British defeat the colonists at the Battle of Bunker Hill, which actually took place at Breed’s Hill.   ***  Unaware that the battle had been mis-named, the colonial reinforcements were, unfortunately, sitting over at Bunker Hill.

7.  On this date in history:  Jun 16, 1882 – Dubuque, Iowa was hit with 17" hailstones weighing 1.75 pounds.  ***  The only casualty was the guy running around outside with the scale.

8.  On this date in history:  Jun 15, 1924 – The Ford Motor Company manufactures its 10 millionth automobile.   ***  Reports at the time said the guy keeping count was exhausted.

9.  On this date in history:  Jun 14, 1847 – Robert Bunsen invents the bunsen burner for use in science labs.   ***  Thousands of happy chemistry students start bringing marshmallows to class.

10. On this date in history:  Jun 13, 1888 – Congress establishes the Department of Labor.   ***  Most politicians were against it until they were assured that the department wouldn’t have to actually do any labor.