1. A town in Spain has started mailing dog poop to the dog’s owners if they fail to pick up after their pet. *** It’s a controversial practice, but everyone agrees on one thing: The worst job in the world is now a Spanish mailman on a hot day.
2. Domino’s has carried out the world’s first pizza delivery by an unmanned drone aircraft. *** Actually, it was a trial run for the military, which plans to use drones to deliver pizza to the Taliban every day. It won’t be immediately lethal, but over time they’ll all die of cardiac arrest.
3. The Disney theme parks, which bill themselves as “The Happiest Place on Earth,” have raised ticket prices by $5. *** Now Disney management is even happier.
4. In a recent telephone survey, 88% of women and 78% of men said they have trouble sleeping. They blamed it on stress, anxiety, and pain... *** ...and getting phone surveys at 2:00 in the morning.
5. Critics have panned Will Smith’s latest movie, “After Earth,” a science fiction adventure which takes place 1,000 years in the future. *** Which is about the same time that the film will break even at the box office.
6. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke delivered the baccalaureate address to graduates at Princeton University. *** With his intimate knowledge of the economy, he wanted to give the students some valuable guidance, so he told them how to apply for unemployment benefits.
7. In Nevada, a new law allows illegal immigrants to get a special driving license. *** There’s just one restriction on it: They’re only allowed to drive south.
8. The head of Ferrari North America says that the next big market for Ferrari is Mexico. *** I don’t think so. I mean, with a flashy car like that, how is a Mexican going to sneak across the border?
9. A government watchdog committee says that over the past three years the IRS has spent $50 million on conferences, including fancy hotel rooms and expensive entertainment. *** Actually, only the IRS calls them “conferences”; I believe Charlie Sheen calls them “parties.”
10. A Saudi Prince recently spent $20 million during three days at Disneyland theme park. *** Actually, I think that’s how much we spent there. (At least, it felt like it.)