Friday, June 14, 2013

Friday, June 14, 2013

1.      At the tunnel from Windsor, Canada into Detroit, U.S. Customs agents detained two women who were found to have $59,000 hidden in their bras.  ***   Authorities became suspicious when the women paid the tunnel toll with a $5 bill and Abraham Lincoln had a big smile on his face.

2.      At Tiffany’s on 5th Avenue in New York City, a thief grabbed two necklaces worth $98,000 and walked out.   ***   You know, that’s really sad.  Lindsay had been doing so well in rehab...

3.      A man in New York City is expected to survive after slitting his wrists in Rockefeller Plaza outside the studio of the “Today” show.  ***  Actually, that behavior is more typical of guys whose wives make them watch the “Today” show.

4.      A study in the New England Journal of Medicine says that drinking coffee can extend your life.   ***   And when the end does finally come, there’s a greater chance that you’ll be awake for it.

5.      For the ultimate in target shooting, a gun range in Texas is letting customers fire an assault rifle from a helicopter.  Organizers say they are making sure the operation is totally safe.  ***   For example, each shooter in the helicopter is strictly limited to only one six pack of beer.

6.      Edward Snowden, the guy who revealed the NSA’s surveillance activities, was praised by Daniel Ellsberg, who had leaked the “Pentagon Papers” in 1971.  ***  Younger people are astonished: “Really?  Secrets used to be on paper?”

7.      Hillary Clinton now has a Twitter account.  ***   So, in addition to having to explain Benghazi, now she also has to learn to spell it.

8.      A bank employee in Germany accidentally transferred over $200 million when he fell asleep on his keyboard and kept the “2” key pressed down, typing 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2.   ***  Well, mistakes happen when you’re “2 depressed.”

9.      A law school student in Texas has designed a plastic handgun that you can make at home on a 3-D printer.  ***  You can use it to rob people of cash that they made at home on their printer.

10.    Russian President Vladimir Putin and his wife announced their divorce after attending a ballet at the Kremlin.  ***  Like many couples, they had very different opinions while watching “Dancing with the Czars.”

No comments:

Post a Comment