News for Week Ending Friday, Oct 6, 2017

1.   Archeologists in Turkey believe they have found the tomb of St. Nicholas, the 4^th century monk who inspired the legend of Santa Claus.  ***   They haven’t actually made a positive identification yet, but they say the tomb definitely includes the remains of at least a dozen small elves.

2.   The 69 year old mother of Tesla’s Elon Musk has just become the oldest “face” of Cover Girl cosmetics and publications.  ***   “Hey Mr. Mailman, my magazine cover is all wrink…oh…never mind.” 

3.   Arnold Schwarzenegger posted a photo of his “love child,” Joseph Baena, on Instagram and wished him a happy 20^th birthday, along with the comment, “You get stronger and smarter every year and I’m so proud of you.”  ***  Then he added, “But I wish you’d get over that compulsion to always dust the furniture.”

4.   Three U.S. scientists have won the Nobel Prize for Medicine for their research and insights into our body’s “biological clock.”   ***   Upon hearing the news they were very grateful and said the award would be most appreciated if it could be given to them between 2:45 and 3:00 in the afternoon.    

5.   The leader of the violent MS-13 gang told members to stop wearing their trademark Nike Cortez shoes because it identifies them to the police.  ***  And because Nike is dragging its feet on negotiating the new contract.

6.   On this date in history:  Oct 6, 1961 – President Kennedy advises all Americans to build a fallout shelter and stock it with food.  *** He also suggested guys add a beer fridge and a big TV to make it a really cool man cave.   

7.   On this date in history:  Oct 5, 1911 – Italian troops begin the occupation of Tripoli.  ***  The U.S. Marines were a little late in joining them, since they were still tied up at the Halls of Montezuma.

8.   On this date in history:  Oct 4, 1537 – The first complete English-language Bible (the Matthew Bible) is printed, with translations by William Tyndale and Miles Coverdale.   ***  However, Bill and Miles took a few liberties with their translation and trimmed it down to only 5 commandments.

9.   On this date in history:  Oct 3, 1945 – Elvis Presley performs in public for the first time at the age of 10.   ***  He didn’t sing—he just stood on the stage and swiveled his hips.

10.  On this date in history:  Oct 2, 1656 – The North American colony of Connecticut passes laws against the Quakers.  ***  But they were allowed to continue selling their oats.