Friday, June 26, 2020

News Humor for Week Ending Friday, Jun 26, 2020


1.   Unable to recover from the loss of income during the Covid-related shutdown, the Chuck E. Cheese pizza-and-arcade chain has declared bankruptcy, but is hoping to restructure and stay in business.  ***  Closure off the 266 locations would be devastating news for millions of kids, and for companies that sell ear plugs.


2.   In a recent podcast interview, Miley Cyrus announced that she has been sober for the past six months, and says the best part of sobriety is “waking up 100%” every morning and feeling great.  ***  She also revealed that she’s writing a song about waking up after a night of heavy drinking. It’s called “Achy Breaky Head.”

3.   A representative for Heather Locklear has confirmed that the 58-year-old actress is engaged to Chris Heisser, her “high school sweetheart.”  ***  Unfortunately, because of Covid-related event cancelations, they won’t be able to combine the wedding ceremony with his graduation party.

4.   This past weekend the director of the Harvard Global Health Institute, Ashish Jha, warned that Covid-related precautions and restrictions may be needed for 12 more months.    ***   Of course, this “new normal” also means new opportunities. For example, U-Haul will be applying its truck-rental business model to a new subsidiary that will rent out Covid related medical equipment and supplies. It’s called “U-Heal.”  

5.   Last week, world-famous 100-year-old tortoise “Diego” – of the species Chelonoidis hoodensis -- returned to his native Galapagos archipelago. Fifty years ago, Diego was moved from the San Diego Zoo to nearby Santa Cruz Island for a special breeding program in which he saved his species from extinction by siring over 800 offspring.  ***  And yet…yesterday…(sniffle)…not a single card.

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