1. Researchers at the University of Texas say that video games may be a major reason for the recent decline in violent crimes. *** Kids can’t figure out how to fire a weapon that they can’t operate with their thumbs.
2. The Vatican says it wants to reduce the costs of nominating someone for sainthood, with legal fees and other expenses now running close to a million dollars. *** I think the problem is that they can’t find many saint candidates among the one-percent.
3. Investigators have learned that when that Southwest Airlines flight landed at the wrong airport in Missouri, there was a third person—a company dispatcher—sitting in the cockpit. *** And that’s very disturbing, because it means there were THREE Southwest employees who couldn’t find the right airport.
4. In New York City, drivers of horse-drawn carriages are fighting Mayor DeBlasio’s plan to ban the carriage rides because they are allegedly detrimental to the welfare of the horses. *** But, in a compromise measure to keep the carriages rolling, the White House has agreed to cover the horses under Obamacare.
5. President Obama plans to announce changes in the NSA’s spying program, including cutbacks in spying on leaders who are friendly toward the United States. *** You know, if there were any.
6. Paula Abdul is suing a tanning salon for injuries received when she underwent an infra-red treatment that promised to burn off 1200 calories. *** She is also suing them for a previous treatment that left her extremely gullible.
7. The long-time partner of the French president was hospitalized for exhaustion after she found out the president has been having an affair with another woman. *** Hey, he’s the one trying to please two women—shouldn’t he be the one who’s exhausted?
8. Some Detroit students were let out of school early one day last week because they had no heat. *** You see, it wouldn’t be fair to have those kids walking around totally defenseless.
9. Even though Colorado has legalized marijuana, authorities may ban it at the Denver Airport. *** And let me tell you, the pilots are furious.
10. The newly merged Fiat-Chrysler company is considering listing on the New York or Hong Kong stock exchanges, and CEO Sergio Marchionne says, “We will go where the money is.” *** Hmmm…I believe the last auto executive to say that was John DeLorean.