1. A recent labor agreement in France prohibits employers from calling workers at home in the evening. *** But the employers aren’t too concerned—they can still reach most employees at their mistress’s.
2. Arthur Smith, the man who wrote the song “Dueling Banjos,” has died at the age of 93. *** He asked that the tune be played as background music when his heirs start arguing over his will.
3. A nursing home in East Neck, New York hired male strippers to entertain the seniors, and the son of one of residents became furious and sued the nursing home after seeing a photo of his mother stuffing money into a dancer’s underwear. *** I believe his exact words were, “Hey! That’s my inheritance!”
4. Mickey Rooney’s will revealed that his estate was only worth $18,000. *** I guess when Andy Hardy and the kids “put on a show” they should have raised the ticket prices.
5. After a three-month dispute during which Direct TV dropped the Weather Channel, the two companies finally reached an agreement. The Weather Channel then apologized to its viewers … *** … and promised to make up for it by forecasting all temperatures ten degrees higher.
6. An inventor in England has created ice cream that glows in the dark. *** Unfortunately, it keeps on glowing after it reaches your waist and hips.
7. Simon Cowell says he is not proud of having had an affair with his best friend’s wife and getting her pregnant, but having a child has put things in perspective and he is intent on achieving a better “work-life balance.” *** In other words, in the future he’ll have half his affairs at work and half of them at home.
8. Authorities have uncovered two very sophisticated drug trafficking tunnels under the Mexican border near San Diego, complete with rail systems, electrical power and ventilation. *** As well as a tourist information center, a duty free shop and a McDonald’s.
9. In an interview on CNN, Nancy Pelosi blamed former Vice President Dick Cheney for misleading the American people about the nature and extent of the CIA’s interrogation techniques. *** Yes, I believe it was Dick Cheney who said, “You can lead a horse to water, but you have to tie him to the board.”
10. McDonald’s has closed all its restaurants in Crimea. *** It was actually because of Ronald McDonald. Ever since Putin annexed the region there has been confusion whenever people referred to “That clown in Russia.”