News for Week Ending Friday, Dec 18

1.        Luxury Travel Intelligence has just named Robert DeNiro’s Philippine hotel, Nobu, “The Worst New Luxury Hotel of 2015,” saying the accommodations are fine but management is weak.  ***  And whenever a guest asks for service, the staff always says, “You talkin’ to me?  You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else you talking…you talking to me?...”  

2.        A man in Oklahoma was so upset over his hotel bill that he drove his pick-up through the lobby and crashed into the front desk.  ***  After that, I guess he didn’t need to ring the bell.

3.        “The Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence told Stephen Colbert it’s not a good idea to contact aliens from outer space because we would just try to kill each other.  ***  She said if scientists continue to reach out, she’ll start keeping a bow and arrow by her bed.

4.        Hillary Clinton says she has a “360 degree plan” to destroy ISIS.  ***  Yep, I think 360 degrees would be hot enough.

5.        With the help of a spiritual medium, the Kardashian girls’ departed father, Robert Kardashian, gave them a message from the grave.  ***  He told them he’s been rolling over a lot.

6.        On this date in history: 1582 – The Netherlands, Denmark and Norway adopt the Gregorian calendar. *** They were especially impressed by Miss April.

7.        On this date in history: 1813 – In the War of 1812, the British take Fort Niagara.   ***   It wasn’t easy; just to get to the fort they had to fight their way through hundreds of honeymooners.

8.        On this date in history: 1979 – The Budweiser streamliner set a wheeled vehicle speed record of 730 mph. ***  The Clydesdales were exhausted. 

9.        On this date in history: 1979 - "Love Story," starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw, is released.  ***   Millions of men stop apologizing.

10.     On this date in history: 1977 - "Saturday Night Fever," starring John Travolta, premieres.  ***  In the following weeks, thousands of men strain their vocal cords trying to sound like the BeeGees.

News for Week Ending Friday, Nov 27

1.     Justin Bieber has just canceled his performance in the CBS “Thanksgiving Day Parade.”  ***  And now we have something to be thankful for.

2.     According to Money magazine, K-Mart has one of the worst purchase return policies.  ***  After you buy something, they shut down the store.

3.     The latest food craze in Japan is deep fried maple leaves.  ***  I wonder—are you supposed to eat them by hand or with a rake?

4.     In China, Xiao Yun went missing for the past ten years and authorities thought she was dead, but she was recently found living in an internet café where she spent all her time playing video games.  ***  So, they were pretty much right.

5.     In order to promote healthy eating, the Nordic Choice hotel chain in Norway has taken bacon and sausage off the breakfast menu.  ***  They’ve also put Bob Evans on the no-fly list.

6.     On this date in history: 1817 – The first sword swallower in the U.S. performs in New York City.  ***  He was a big hit in Times Square until the public taste shifted to naked cowboys.

7.     On this date in history: 1835 – The Texas Provisional Government authorizes establishment of the Texas Rangers.  ***  Reluctantly, they also authorize one “Lone Ranger,” but specify that he must always wear a mask.

8.     On this date in history: 1863 – A patent is granted for a process of making color photographs.  ***  Demand for centerfold models skyrockets.

9.     On this date in history: 1897 – J. L. Love patents the pencil sharpener.  ***  It was carefully designed to hold a pencil of any size, form an extremely sharp point, and sprinkle shavings all over the floor when you try to empty it.

10.  On this date in history: 1973 – The fuel crisis causes Congress to reduce the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. ***  It also gives people an excuse to not drive to the in-laws for Thanksgiving.