1. As a result of Amazon’s purchase of Whole Foods, the grocery retailer has begun selling the Amazon Echo. *** Actually, it’s a special Whole Foods version, which can be found in the produce section and comes in the shape of a mango.
2. A Japanese company has configured the humanoid robot "Pepper" to function as a Buddhist priest at funerals by chanting sutras while tapping a drum. *** It will also be available for weddings and receptions as soon as they figure out how to program the Chicken Dance.
3. President Trump has lifted Obama-era restrictions on police, including the ban on the use of surplus military equipment… *** …and the daily limit of two donuts.
4. According to a study by two universities in England, neurotic people tend to live longer. *** But thanks to a merciful God, the people who have to listen to them die early.
5. During the recent renovation at the White House, the carpeting was renewed at a cost of $1.2 million. *** That’s a lot of money, but when so many staffers are getting called on the carpet I guess you want it to look good.
6. On this date in history: Sep 1, 1836 – A wagon train of Presbyterian missionaries reaches the site of what became Walla Walla, Washington. *** The journey taught them to follow their dreams, be persistent and never let a two-year old name a city.
7. On this date in history: Aug 31, 1954 – The Census Bureau is established. *** Apparently some people felt that a population estimate of “a gazillion” just wasn’t accurate enough.
8. On this date in history: Aug 30, 1979 – President Carter is attacked by a rabbit while on a canoe trip. *** Yes, political figures are often harassed by the hop-arazzi.
9. On this date in history: Aug 29, 1967 – The final episode of "The Fugitive" is broadcast. *** Millions of viewers feel a little bit guilty for not having any sympathy for the guy with one arm.
10. On this date in history: Aug 28, 1907 – United Parcel Service begins operations (in Seattle). *** In one of the earliest examples of establishing brand identity, they only used brown horses.